This past week has been intense. The breast issue, work, shit sleep, then a crazy rush to get the house ready for photos with only two days warning- almost impossible and very stressful and crazy. Actually, it turns out it Was impossible to get it done so I rescheduled the photos to next week. It is very hard to do things half assed, but I know that I need to learn this- for sanity maybe, for just simply getting things done.
I am not a perfectionist, but I have high standards and it is hard to let myself do "enough" and not keep some bizarre expectation of "as well as I can"-- and I always suck at taking context into account.
I have a baby, a beautiful spirited wonderful interactive hands-on baby. This is not a put down in a playpen baby, or sit for longer than a minute in a bouncy chair baby. She is great in a front carrier, but front carriers are not conducive to carrying anything else.
So-- with this, my mom came and helped beyond measure by being with Della while I ran in circles. Piles of crap into boxes, into the basement, into some semblance of order. Push it back, neaten it up, clean the surfaces. Try not to freak out.
Like almost every project there is a mess making stage. You know the one, right? It happens in my painting, my writing, almost any project where ideas are swirling, and have not quite jelled. First there is mess making. Then, there is a reassembly, a re-creation, a putting back together. Thursday was a coming apart, mess making day. Friday was a little more of a coming back together day but my oh my there is so much left to do.
Today was an errands day
and now, a rest evening. I am wiped out. I realize that there are Things I Have To Do and there are a whole bunch of things that can wait. Right now I am trying to learn to let things that can wait, wait. I am trying.
Amazing lovely Della is asleep in this moment on Doug.
She is miraculous, sitting almost by herself, standing with very little guidance, blowing raspberries which is hysterical. This week was hard on her too with belly upset from my antibiotics and shit sleep as a result.
My Dr follow-up yesterday resulted in no more of those, since I am now happily clear and fine. Possible yeast infection in one nipple, are you kidding me? Time will tell. And we talked supplementation for milk supply if it does not bounce back. All I need to do is call if monday comes and pumping shows that supply is still low. (bless her).
But, as of today, happily bellies feel better, and I am hoping our night will be more peaceful. She is insanely beautiful, I swear I could just watch her all the time. But I think that sounds creepy. Honest? Absolutely. But creepy.