06 July 2011

state of kate

It is wednesday. Doug is home for a few hours and is asleep with Della-- so I wanted to write a quick update on the state-of-kate.

First, a few shout outs-- beloved Kristin asked me to write a letter to my body a few weeks ago which she lovingly posted on her blog, trust tending. If you have not yet visited her blog, please do so-- she is a truly amazing person, writes beautifully and honestly, draws the way I wish I could. She is a soul sister, so please, go there and take a read.

Next--B of No News is not necessarily good news is Pregnant with #2 after her recent and first IVF for this baby! She has a new blog to document this new journey, and she is 43. 43. HEAR ME LADIES, 43. So, if you're looking for some good news, this is most definitely it.

Ok-- now both beloveds are awake, Della is clapping and talking. She has not pooped since sunday (not unheard of but holy wow there is a LOT of oatmeal in there)...
Not sure how all of those pieces of information fit together but,

So-- the house sale hit a huge impasse when bank#1 rejected the offer (remember this is a short sale), appraised the house themselves and requested a much higher selling price. Huh. much higher. 30k higher.

days pass
it is now saturday afternoon.
so the miracle of the moment is that the house sale is back on as of this moment. Praying to the house gods...

I am in Maine and one of the many Sarahs up here has my baby for the next hour- so I've been like a crazed lunatic updating linkedin, quickly posting on my other blog (heartwork, remember that? so do I!) and now, finally here for a few moments before diving back in to work work.

I quit my day job wednesday, June 29th after 13 and a half years. I already had one contract lined up, and, since then, have secured another one, and a nice creative thinking project. I am not sure what will come next, but so far, things are BUSY and I am feeling a little overwhelmed with Things To Do. I'll be in NH monday-thursday each week (I realized I could not be here full time if I was going to do any work), and then in Maine each weekend until the end of camp when I'll be back in NH full time.

I cannot say what I am feeling since apparently I am the physical embodiment of mercurial. One moment I feel relatively calm, the next I feel panicked, one hopeful, one jazzed with anxiety... I do not feel rested or peaceful. And I don't (yet) feel jubilant. I think things were just too stressful for too long, and I feel very conflicted. I am having a very hard time letting go of my pragmatism in the spirit of a more holistic and happy life. This will take some time, I am willing to wait myself out, but need to keep making space for creativity. WonderfulDella is the most amazing teacher in living in the moment, focusing on whatever is right there, right now, needed or wanted.... immediacy, delight, wonder.

I am hoping for a half day a week to pour out what I am collecting and create space for creativity. It is very easy to just work through all available hours feeling as if that is what I should be doing above all else. So I need to watch myself, you know?

So-- Della is 8 months today, and I will write a post about that very soon. I miss you all, I miss this space, this type of sharing, this community. I am lonely for you all, I really am. My dropping out has to do with time, not interest. Single mothering of this particular little person is very intense and completely interactive. So, as of this week? Half a day to create. Let's see what happens.

If any of you have worked with a particularly good career coach or are good with titles, I need some help with what to call myself and my field of expertise. Please comment or shoot me an email icantwhistle at yahoo dot com.


Kate said...

Hope the house sells and that you can de-stress. Glad Della is thriving and that you have some projects on the go. Good luck with everything!

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Glad to hear about the work contracts and about the house sale being reinstated.

Let me know if you'd like to get together some weekend soon near camp, with babies but with or without fellas -- I have an idea!

Emily Erin said...

Thank you for sharing your precious few moments to update us! I am glad that things are trending well for you and I will continue to hold good thoughts that the trend continues. I hope that single mothering gives you wonderful memories and even more appreciation for the time that camp is over and Doug can be back to help.

B. said...

I can't imagine handling everything that you're in the middle of right now, and am amazed that you have not only a moment to update (thanks! I miss you, but not in any sense that pressures you to reorganize your priorities) but a clear enough head to be coherent. Congratulations on the work contracts- sounds like a promising start. I suspect a year from now you'll wonder why you were worried about any of this at all.

Much love to you, Della and Doug!

Emily Erin said...

Do you read the Story People? I think that if you don't you should. I saw this one and thought of your sweet Della: http://www.shopvillager.com/such-small-things-storypeople-print-p-379.html

Sending you warm (but not to warm!) hugs and the sounds of laughter.