03 September 2013

Della at 2.75 going on 14


My wee teenager.
We are in the thick of it, rolling eyes, crossed arms, humphing. The impatience and impertinence.  
It would be more funny if I were less tired, more capable. Hey, I do realize this: this is about doing the best you can. Sometimes that is pretty good, sometimes it isn't, it's awkward and I spend my day uglyfaced, short tempered and unfun. But sometimes, sometimes it is pure magic.

She is immense, people, truly. Immensely herself. All of this will serve her well later in life.
She is immense, and she is encouraging me to become more than I ever imagined.

What an awkward gift that is.

No, I say, No. No a million ways, a million times.
I disappoint. I just do. It's built in. If you told me that I would do this, over and over, knowingly, I would have told you you were crazy, it is * SO UNKATE*.
But here I am.

And however unfun the moments, 
however awkward some of the gifts,
however tired my tired ass truly is (it is no longer dragging, dragging indicates motion, and motion indicates energy)
however much I fantasize about sleep or resilience or reserve or calmness in the face of it all
however much I fantasize about whatever it was I fantasized about when I still had braincells
this
this is so much MORE.

pure magic, with a side of snark.


4 comments:

Emily Erin said...

True magic with a side of snark. I love that description.

As always, I relate and send love, but have no suggestions as I am equally brain dead tired.

babyinterrupted said...

That. Face.

I love it. That girl is a force.

Sometimes I think about how glad I am that my girl is also fiercely independent, because it will serve her so well when she's 30, but right now it often SUCKS. C'est la vie.

B. said...

Oh, that expression on her face is priceless! I and mine butt heads a million times daily. Sometimes, I want to run away. Sometimes, I want to throw one of them out a window. And sometimes, it's all I can do to keep from laughing. I see myself in them and, no matter what all the child-discipline books say, I reason and explain myself so that when they're able to understand they will know how much I love them. Even when it's hard to be "mean" and disappoint them over and over again.

Charlotte has not told me that she "loves but does not like me" in months.

It Is What It Is said...

Wow, what must it be like to parent a girl child.

Good luck and enjoy the ride.

No matter what, you are the mother she knows, you are enough, and you are doing the best that you can even if that sometimes falls short of what you'd like. That's the way life goes.