here we are in January, and I am sitting at my desk having just cleaned the living room as much as I could in one hour.
One hour to take the tree down and vacuum the billion needles from the carpet, to push back, pile up, drag, dust, and make a dent in the squalor that just happens, magically, when I am not constantly tending.
It is rather horrifying how fast things turn to shit, and also just what "clean" looks like now-- proving, truly, that everything is relative.
I was so wanting to "finish" the job, but the job, I think (I know), is unfinishable.
This is about progress, and then holding it or returning to it, or something. But this is not, apparently, about truly cleaning or truly finishing.
So, fueled by warmed up tea and honeyed up toast, here I am. Needing to return to workwork but after a truly aggravating day yesterday work-wise where I discovered that the website I am working on looks like shit too, not even in a living room way, well.
today will be about starting over.
But. Not quite yet.
I wanted to say that
Little miss Della is a fierce companion, and she is every bit the mini teenager with stubborn righteousness that is both fabulous and maddening and
oh
she is so tender.
I know my tenderness and am surprised by my fierceness.
I know her fierceness and am surprised by her tenderness.
this is about staying open to what is, not what I think I know, or what I want or wanted for me or for anyone... this is about this moment. this joy. this fierce tenderness and tender fierceness. this is about a million kinds of love. this is about taking notice of what is working with such intense gratitude. this is about taking notice of the ordinary moments that are truly extraordinary. this is about reveling, it really is.
I posted the following images on facebook but realize that my incremental updates have been there of late... but I am pulling back from that particular soul sucking vortex, not completely because apparently I am addicted to seeing other people's lives through rose colored glasses... but pulling back, yes, to better appreciate and revel in my own fabulous imperfect reality.
So I will leave with you a few things that make me very very very very very happy-- no rose colored glasses necessary.
Best. dad. ever.
2 comments:
So good to hear from you. Love the pics. Our lives sound similar in the mess, the relativity if it, the fierceness of our girls and their tenderness.
I thought that I had posted on this earlier....Love the pictures and completely relate to the mess. I also have a girl who is both tender and fierce. Here's to more days in tu-tus and the ability to be fully present for them.
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