18 February 2011


not wanting to jinx anything here but
even with the crappiest week of sleep in months (up too late, up too early)
and with a rather high stress level
the past 3 days with Della have been more harmonious.
Harmonious=much much less crying. I've made some changes: stopped my prenatal vitamin; and now I immediately change what I am doing at the first sign of fussing-- keep trying different things until no fussing. What this means is that I am in near constant motion while she is awake (bouncing, dancing, walking), I bounce her to sleep (no kidding, first yawn, I am ON THE BALL), I rock her while she is sleeping unless it was a nurse-to-sleep... and, well, it's all working (praise god, goddess, all-that-is), at least, in this moment. And it is wonderful wonderful wonderful.
There is no sitting with the baby stuff of movies and the coffee shop fantasy. But... I get it. This is what it is.
Today we walked twice, taking advantage of this amazing weather, nearly 60 degrees. Sunshine on my face, warm wind, cold snow, but the smell of spring, and the bluest sky, and the wind roaring in the trees.

It was a melt day.
Only one new leak found. Yesterday was insurance adjuster visit day, goodness gracious that man was here for 3 hours. But.... and... there's a check and we can fix the holes once the threat of new leaks is over for the season.

So, about work....
I can say this: wednesday mornings, I put on my Just Be True Jen Lee t-shirt, and remind myself to be true to my own self. It is about changing focus and heart-attention as quickly as I can from work out there (hands waving) to work in here (hand on heart).

My sister has encouraged me to open an etsy store with my 5 (count'em!) paintings, so I am in the middle of setting that up.

And, really, with this particular life structure, one of the other reasons for my increased peace with Della, I think, comes from not trying to do anything else. I don't read many blogs very often right now, and rarely comment (SO SORRY!)-- I just don't have the time I want to put in that direction. Right now is a weird survival mode, and with that comes minimal multi tasking.

But on weekends I sneak a little more time-- like this, to post. Or last weekend to go see my writing group (with Della so it was not really sneaking-- and she cried the whole hour ride back good lord). And tomorrow, maybe to go on some errands alone. Or maybe to etsy or update my leadership blog or.... but
this is about ORs these days, not ANDs, and I am realizing how letting go of trying to do too many things (when more than one is too many), I suddenly found a little peace.

Della is laughing, and rolled onto her side over and over and over for 20 minutes on wednesday. And these moments I would not want to miss for Anything.


What IF? said...

It is definitely all about survival these first few months. As joyful as it is, and as grateful as you are to have Della, it is also important to recognize just.how.hard it can be, especially when you have refluxing/colicky baby. It will get easier in terms of her ability to be soothed, and sleeping longer stretches. When their wake-time increases between feedings, it also becomes easier to take them places. It will happen.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

I am so excited to see your paintings!

Glad that the colic is getting more manageable.

Mindful motherhood suits you.

Anonymous said...

I have commented before, I am a reader who lives in Portland Maine. Well, the women's center I had written to you about, Birthroots, just opened a new location in Kittery. I would really, seriously try to check it out if I were you. They are all so super helpful and awesome there. ourbirthroots(dot)org is the address.
Anyway, nice to hear from you and can't wait to see your paintings--I hope you will link them.

sprogblogger said...

I can't wait to see your painting. And I'm so glad that you're getting the joy times along with the hard times. Survival times are probably good for the soul, but oh, man, do they ever suck when they're happening. Thinking of you, my friend, and wishing you many more laughs and rolls and wouldn't-trade-for-anything moments.