29 April 2012

Ikea, balance and faith

Della, trying out her new bed (!) from Ikea. Bless Doug and his infinite patience and Yoda-ability to read/interpret Ikea instructions and make them come true--
someday, Della might actually sleep in the bed.  It is adorable, by the way, the Kritter bed .. two little wide eyed sheep on the headboard. Simple, low, short, small, cheap, but not cheaply made.  VERY comfortable (my new napping place?) and looks great.  The cat likes it too.

We've had a busy week with sickness then a week of no daycare (it is school break here in NH) and after a whirlwind week of adventures and bonding, tomorrow begins a semi-normal return to semi-predictable scheduling.

I am feeling off, people. Off, a little off kilter, a little off balance, a little unmoored.  I should really plot these on a calendar. Even though I am not back to periods yet, I bet I have some sort of cyclic hormonal something-or-other that is making me periodically blueish.  I joked with my sister that if I breast feed long enough, I can just segue into menopause.  But really, I swear it is a joke.

This week is a little weird schedule wise, with tomorrow being a mostly work at home day (usually I am at a client's office), so the week begins with a little space I hope to fill with workwork and with some katework too-- I am aching to reconnect with my creative sides.

I have an afternoon phone call scheduled with a new friend and coach, for a mutual session which is really exciting. Last time we talked it was click click click energizing loveliness and I hope tomorrow will bring more of the same. I love resonance that is positive like that. It makes me feel things are possible.

So I am looking forward to ending my day with her, then will pick up Della right afterwards. No time to ruin my resonance buzz with workwork.   Sometimes I do well with these things almost by accident and then feel a little amazed at my luck. Our last talk was at the same time of day and it felt GREAT>> so it was easy to do it *again*.  Brillant/Luck/Whathaveyou, happy all the same.

I've been thinking about clarity and how much I love it, when I realized that maybe my feelings of conflictedness come (at least sometimes) from a clarity I wish were different, not a complete lack of clarity. Maybe sometimes it is because I don't like the answer. And that realization was uncomfortable. And worthy of consideration.

I've been reading a bit about folks who make changes with FAITH. Faith is something I envy. I am more of a certainty girl (I know it is not that it is easy to see this with the life I am actually leading or have actually led). I want to say for the record that I would like a little more faith please. 

22 April 2012

Fevery but fine

Hey everyone,
I was sick
Della was sick
The computer was sick
and time passed, feverishly, uncomfortably, with the kind of disrupted sleep that is almost funny.
Nights are long this way, so while time was passing, it felt longer than it often does, and that felt like some sort of weird backhanded snotty nosed gift.

Today, computer back from the techs,
Della out with Doug to make room for me to work,
and me? I want to do almost anything else.

Back soon with a post about Ikea.

15 April 2012

crazy good

Just back from a weekend in Maine to celebrate our almost two year anniversary! I can't quite believe that, but to celebrate, we asked our amazingly gifted and talented friend and life photographer Susan Mullen to do some family photos up at the location of the wedding.

It was a day almost completely unlike our wedding, it was so warm! No rain/snow!  But so very beautiful. We played around and she took photos in the windy wild grasses, and, well, the results are amazing.


Please stop by her blog to see more and and say hello.

11 April 2012

Book Review, Bebe

Let me begin by telling you a little story.

Once upon a time Doug brought a book home from his boss for me to read.
I am only reading things these days that I have read a million times already, or can read random paragraphs, or flip through, all in the 5 minute interlude while falling asleep.  This is not a good time for me to READ, if you know what I mean.

(One exception, a fabulous ebook by my dear and talented friend Ute. I read it on my tiny phone in the car. Totally worth it. I'll review that one soon.)

Ok then, the book comes home, I try to read it, I fail. I don't like the book. It is not my thing. (Hear me: this does not mean it might not be your thing. Books are like all art, very personal, so go ahead a love it!) I stop reading. I give it back.

Turns out there was a hope (read that: expectation) that I would write a review for a newsletter.  And that fact came to light night before last, with the publish date for the review to be yesterday.  I love Doug, therefore I made it happen. (And he, in turn, will give me many kisses and buy me dinner).

Reading under duress, reading a book I already did not much care for, writing under duress, writing about a book I did not much care for, yeah... Not my favorite activities, and not very inspirational of my highest and best.

So---I read it, wrote it, submitted it, and it was changed a bit in publication as to not offend anyone.

I was floored that anyone thought it might! I so did not intend that.
I was/am aghast.
I did not/do not mean to offend against anyone.
No one.
Certainly not "The French" (gosh how I hate the stereotypes in the book, no matter how well researched, see review below). My riff on the cake is really a poke at the book, which uses french words for emphasis and authenticity.

Since I put some effort into the review, here it is.
Without the changes.

The first draft was also the last draft (with the exception of a short rant I wrote and omitted).
I'm posting it here for posterity more than anything.

Should have put quotes around that final "Parisian" reference since I meant it tongue in cheek. Maybe then it would have been ok? Maybe not.  Merde alors.


Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman

Pamela Druckerman's background as a journalist comes through loud and clear in this book comparing and contrasting "American" and "French" parenting styles. Well-researched and quoting loads of obscure and well-known parenting books from both sides of the ocean that no parent would ordinarily have time to read, Druckerman weaves Nuggets of Parenting Wisdom into a story more about stereotyped upper middle class culture in New York and Paris than about parenting.

Teasing out those Nuggets of Wisdom took some patience-- it was hard to push beyond the thinly veiled judgment, and read through the more-than-slightly edgy deprecating humor, past the stereotypes and cross-cultural cafe society observations.

So-- what are the Nuggets of Wisdom I learned from this book that I'll take away?
Watch and wait-- the baby's crying may be hunger, but it also may just be a moment of semi-consciousness between sleep cycles. If you pause, the baby may fall back asleep. If not, you can attend.  This pause has equated to more sleep for all of us.
Ask-- if there are tears, and there is no hysteria yet, ask what's wrong. I've been astonished at how many times we've been able to get to the core of the issue, and how often it has nothing whatsoever to do with what I thought.
Independence-- you do not need to be actively engaged in communicating and interacting in every moment.  Being near each other (or even, not so near), and involved in separate projects or activities is just fine.  This is harder since I've got a very interactive little one, but I get it, and enjoy it thoroughly when it happens.

So, these I'll use.

Overall, while I wanted to love this book, it was an uncomfortable read, too cringey, too judgmental, too presumptuous about too many things including my social status as reader.

What parenting needs, I think, is not divisiveness, but more compassion between us all as parents. I think the underlying motivations behind most of our choices are probably quite similar: love, support, encouragement and opportunity.  How this looks in real life changes from child to child, parent to parent, family to family.

So, for the hard-edged Parisian expectation of getting my body back 3 months after having the baby, or stopping breastfeeding after 6 months, or having the baby on a sleep-all-night schedule before she is 3 months old or I've missed my window of opportunity and am doomed to long term unhappiness for us all?…. Ahhhh, well, I think I will go drown my soft-bodied long-term unhappiness in some fine gateaux au chocolate, go look in at my sleeping baby, and bask in gratitude for all that I have.

08 April 2012


From earlier today at Grandma Momma Sally's house. About as good as it gets.

06 April 2012

Punk'd: impossible possibilities?

I was punk'd.

I'm not lying, this made me cry as soon as the little suckers took off (if only  I'd made it a bit further...).

This is BBC's april fool's joke, yeah, well, I fell for it, HARD-- see how innocent and hopeful my hopefulness STILL is??? How is that possible? I stand by my tenderness and innocence and hopefulness anyway.  At least, until the penguins come crashing down into the tropical island, then I just feel stupid.

Go ahead, laugh at me.

I'm an engineer ferchrissakes. You'd think I would see Those Wings and say, No Way.
But no.

Here's to having an open mind and a hopeful heart!


Watch with caution--
your very own April Fool.

04 April 2012

free egg donor cycle opportunity

Shady grove is offering a free seminar in Philly with the possibility of an attendee winning a free donor egg cycle:  http://www.shadygrovefertility.com/webform/pennsylvania-donor-egg-seminar

I'm up to my ears in a work frenzy-- the week got compressed after another Della sick day (she is better but sunday night sucked rocks)-- but I'll be back soon.