Sprogblogger just wrote the most amazing piece on motherhood and DE. Eloquence, truth, love. Bring tissues.
Baby Interrupted's recent post 34w5d is completely awesome. So all I can say is please go there, read her. And her most recent post included this poem which rocked me back on my heels. I'd read it before, but this time it hit home.
Things to Do in the Belly of the Whale
Measure the walls. Count the ribs. Notch the long days.
Look up for blue sky through the spout. Make small fires
with the broken hulls of fishing boats. Practice smoke
Call old friends, and listen for echoes of distant voices.
Organize your calendar. Dream of the beach. Look each
way for the dim glow of light. Work on your reports.
Review each of your life's ten million choices. Endure
moments of self-loathing. Find the evidence of those
before you. Destroy it. Try to be very quiet, and listen for
the sound of gears and moving water. Listen for the sound
of your heart.
Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope,
where you can rest and wait. Be nostalgic. Think of all
the things you did and could have done. Remember
treading water in the center of the still night sea, your
toes pointing again and again down, down into the black
Jen Lee, fresh back from Squam Art Workshops, is sharing some fabulous reminders for soul-care and other deep truths on her site. A recent favorite:
"It's okay to not know what to do next. Laying down is always good for the not-knowing moments."
And in other news:
So, every once in a while I get OCD about something-- where I fixate and decide if only I can find the perfect _______ then All Will Be Well... this has never actually worked out in such a magical way, and the Quest can be insane and insanely consuming. I've grown up enough to know when it is happening, and heck, I can even laugh at myself as I am doing it. I sometimes give myself permission to seek and search, sometimes I cut myself off and haul myself out into the world as a distraction.
This time, I realized I wanted a baby book for our little one, but I did not want it to be kittens and bunnies or Pooh or "mommy and daddy", I did not want the presumption of christianity, heterosexuality, or of marriage, or of anything really. I did not want to feel overwhelmed. I wanted simplicity, flexibility, beauty, contemporary design-- something the grown up baby could have on his or her shelf and not have it scream BABY BOOK, and thus began my search. Through some stroke of luck after a long long search I landed on etsy, and through some other stroke of luck I found a shop called Ednamae (so help me I want to call it edamame).
I ordered a book, chose my cover color, my inside modules, and inside design, and kindly asked that my second choices be used to help with expedited shipping as needed since I was not sure when this little one might arrive but it might be soon (part of the OCD is/was me NEEDING THE BOOK TO BE HERE WHEN THE BABY COMES).
Two days later, the book arrived, expedited, from Oregon.
I wrote a love note to Kobie and she sent me the kindest reply including this gift for you. (Yes, YOU):
"Thank you so much! I'm so glad you love it!
You can let your readers know they can have a coupon code on my new website,
for $5 off."
If you are thinking of a gift for yourself or a loved one, please please check her site out.
One more thing about this that makes it even more magical: THREE RING BINDER-- yes folks, that kind of flexibility.
So, kate, what about the lake?
Yesterday morning, wildly windy, rainy, insanely warm, we made our way to the specialist's office for the first appointment of the day. I'd carefully scheduled with the ultrasound lady from last time and was ready to hear what had to be said about the current state of my placenta.
First thing, we get called back by a different US tech, and I thought, well shit. And I tried to give up the control I was trying to wield. I did ok, but I was nervous as hell. The new lady did not help me feel calm although she was nice.
Doc came in and they did the internal together, just like last time (did I mention how much I like him?)
baby is looking great at 6lbs+, head thoroughly wedged in my nether regions.
Lake is resolved.
yes, the lake? resolved. Yes, I have a bit of extracurricular vascular activity that will require some vigilance immediately post-partum, but in this moment?
NORMAL PREGNANT LADY.
What does this mean?
no early scheduled c-section, no cause for undue alarm, just the usual let's-wait-and-see-how-this-plays-out scenario.
Hot diggity dog.