26 August 2011

exhalation

The house is sold.
The new owner sent me the most lovely of lovely heartfelt notes, a true blessing, love, glitter, cavorting wild ponies. I felt more than moved, I felt shifted. Like a wonderful gift had been passed on to the next person who needed it. A talisman of sorts. The house saved me after Jeff's death. It was my declaration that life was worth living, creating, and gardens were worth planting. I am not sure the timing for the new owner, but I feel as if maybe, for them, it is just the right time too. And maybe, maybe, this is just the right thing for me in this moment, a gathering in, contemplation, hope set out like river stones, unread runes.

I am exhaling.
Feeling my knots loosen just a little. At least that knot. Those knots.
Beloved objects passed along to be beloved. Nothing is lost that way really.

I have a weird relationship to love. I tend to love with intensity, sometimes grudgingly, but then, with impressive tenacity.

Daycare begins maybe next week for my gregarious Della.
I am ready to have a more consistent schedule so I can work and create with a more steady foundation of knowing what days are for what... I do better that way, scaffolding I guess. The wire net under plaster.

So-- today, working. TammyLove is here after her vacation, and Della is so happy (as am I).

This morning, up before 4 to watch Orion rise over the trees, his belt vertical.
Me, I'm tired, my heart is sore, I have a LOT of work to do that I am avoiding but will plunge back into once I hit post.
I am ready for simplicity I think. Calm. A while of not frantically seeking work/packing/unpacking/freaking out...
I am ready to be for a while.

So, yes, exhalation.

5 comments:

sprogblogger said...

So very glad for you that things are starting to feel ok. I know it helped when I had to sell the house my husband & I built with our own hands, to know that the people buying it really loved it the way we did. It sounds like you have a similar relationship with your old house, & with its new people, too. Thinking of you and wishing for continued good things for you.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

It helps so much when the new owner appreciates something as much as you did.

Good luck with the daycare transition!

Kate said...

Glad to hear from you! Della's vocab sounds fantastic. 9mo would be really old for walking unassisted, so hopefully you have a couple more months before she's off and running.

Emily Erin said...

Glad that you're taking a moment to breathe gently. Hugs!

(another) karen said...

I find your posts to be so relaxing. The way you just choose not to fight the universe and to readily accept, both the good and the "not so much" in every situation. Best of luck on this new journey. Something tells me there are surprises yet to be had. Here's wishing for nothing but good ones...

Karen