First, I'm fine. I just wanted to put this out there for any of YOU who experience the same thing or anything even remotely similar. I want to offer some big squishy whole hearted compassion and a brand new sort of insight and awareness I did not have before.
Gosh darn.
Yesterday:
"pea-sized mass, 9:00, left breast"
Today:
Ultrasounded, and got the all clear from the Radiologist on the spot, but it was 24 hours of a weird out of body terror, a terror-on-hold, a weird waiting. The all clear was met by me getting totally choked up, and nearly losing it.
As if, I could not lose it before during the fear.
I wonder why we do that?
I wonder, but I think I also know-- there is a whole lot of DOING that has to happen, a process to follow, calls to make, appointments to show up for, cars driven, tests to undergo... and there is sort of this weird otherworldly thing that happens, a shock of sorts, that allows those pragmatic and logistical things to happen.
Then,
all clear means I can fall apart.
And think about the what ifs
and the scary family history I carry in my genes
and think about this time, how lucky I am, and this time, how smart I was to go get checked immediately and not wait to see what happens.
and how lucky I am that this time, the results were as awesome and perfect and wonderful as anyone could hope
"complex tissue" thank you very much.
I'll take complex tissue with no side of awfulness.
Exhaling.
Slowly.
Again and again and again and again
7 comments:
Oh how scary--and yes, how good that you got in so quickly, and that you got good results back so quickly and definitively!
Whew.
Exhaling right along with you.
Thanks for the PSA.
Glad all is well but can imagine the worry in between.
Praise the goddess; am glad you don't have a prostate because my genes suck on that one. xoxoPa
SO glad you are okay!!
Wow, friend. Seriously scary. Keep those exams going regularly and good for you for getting it examined fast. Hugs!
Woah, Kate. So glad that things are okay. A beautiful empowering book by a true wise woman is Susun Weed's 'Breast Cancer? Breast Health' which gives lots of ways in which we can love and nurture our sacred female bodies...and hopefully find ways to avoid the deep fears.
Much love and health to you xx
Ummm -- scary, sucky. Glad it turned into a scare instead of a saga and so, so glad that you're okay. I would welcome you roller skating at the house any day, every day, preferably starting tomorrow, it would be great. We could perfect GF pizza. I don't skate well but I am good at saying, "sure, skate in the house, what the heck, the floors are already a mess" and at cheering along and at putting furniture and pillows in strategic places so I don't have to worry too much and say crazy things like "don't crash into the piano with your roller skates, please." Take care dear one -- xoxo
Eliz.
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