So thanks almost entirely to a note from beloved Shelagh, I *finally* figured it out.
It's so obvious now, of course.
The past few years I've been working out in the world (imagine jazz hands) workshopping, and also doing a bunch of inner work that includes acknowledging that this time in my life, as in so many lives, is a time of reinvention, reassessment, and realization-- here we are, halfway through (in the best scenarios), and feeling (more than) a little bit lost.
So, that is what this is all about; me talking about alllllllllll that.
Welcoming all of you who feel the same way or want to know what it feels like to be seeking at a time in life when so many of us expected, on some level, to be found. To be stable. To be settled. To feel grown up and capable.
Being an older mom to a younger kid makes me grandparent aged in the group I brush shoulders with... the grandparents picking up Della's friends are my age, not the parents, and there is a rather acute loneliness in that too.
So this? This is a small bloggy reinvention, after a deep reassessment -- that the things I need to talk about here are the things I need to talk about.
Connection. Sanity. Loneliness. Delight.
There will be always talk of Della and parenting and life after infertility and the ache of all of that.
There will always be talk of my past, including all of the all of it. Love, loss, fuckedupness.
There will always be profanity, not for shock, but for the sincere expression of whateveritis I am trying to express.
There will always be room for all of me, and therefore, room for all of you.
For those here looking for infertility stories, there are plenty! Check the archives and also the My Story tab. We beat the odds because we are beyond lucky. And I know it.
And to all of you, LOVE. Love and love and love and love and love.
Let's do this thing.