so today I got my first stitch fix box.
I am not sure if I will do it again or not.
in case you've never heard of it, it's a curated set of 5 pieces of clothes chosen for you to try and (they hope) buy. you can do it once or on subscription. you put in sizes, answer questions, maybe offer a pinterest board for them to see to calibrate your style... and you cough up $20 for styling that can be applied to your purchase.
So for me, this was a $20 exercise in trying on a new way of exploring options outside of my usual usualness.... trying new kinds of clothes on my new kind of body. and I was hopeful that I would learn some things about what feels good right now.
I sent 4 things back but I netted one pair of black pants. nothing earth shaking there-- no fashion break throughs, no new ideas, no wild deviations...
but wow.... the surprising delight of right fit.
and also I learned how cool it is to say nope nope nope nope to all that did not fit. I spent zero energy trying to imagine how to make anything work, what alterations would be needed. just a fabulous unclingy nope and back into the box things went.
yesterday, coincidentally, i tried on my businessy clothes. all of them. and have about 7 things left. I realized that this is my body right now. this is my life right now. things need to fit.
The rest went into a donation bag to be someone else's right fit.
the two dots thing is similar in that I have never been a game player. I actually *hate* games. I do not like to play, do not like winning or losing. I just do not like them.
I started with flow a few years ago and realized there was satisfaction in problem solving. in competing against myself. in trying and learning and trying and learning
two dots: I fail and fail and fail and fail and fail and fail
and I am not a lesser human being.
I am not a failure.
I am simply not winning the frikken game.
Sometimes I do. then, in the way of life, the next level is harder and I begin again and at first and for a long while I fail and fail and fail...
and even though I fail and fail and fail and fail and fail, I am still not a lesser being.
How cool is that?