day of the night before

Trigger last night was about 90% anticipatory anxiety, 10% just perfectly fine injection (my darlin' gets a gold star)-- 15+ minutes of pre-icing is just the thing.
This morning, I woke to a sore butt and hammering heart.
I peed on a stick (dollar store) saw the instantaneous two lines, felt better about knowing the hCG is in my system.

Figured out initial logistics for the next few days- with plenty of room for adjustment as necessary. Still going to Squam, checking in tonight and staying for orientation- then we'll head over to Hanover for the night for the retrieval tomorrow morning (fingers crossed), then back to Squam if I am up for it afterwards for a very very low key thursday that could mean bed, or dock, or woods...

Class still scheduled for friday and saturday but I can change that as I need to.
I can do nothing or something as I wish and can.

Last time the physical part of ER was no big deal- I felt tired after, but really, it was the emotional part of the "no eggs" thing that really took me down. I am hopeful I will be comfortable in every way-- body and eggs retrieved please.

Good luck to everyone out there in every way-- Folks who are cycling now or are on the cusp, folks waiting for information, and folks in their 2ww, or waiting for a cyst to shrink, or waiting for the stars to align.
I wish this took a lot less luck, heck, we'd all be pregnant.

I'll be checking in as I can.

breathing into a bag

Um, yeah, so, I am trying to manage my anxiety by humming quietly and rocking.
Hmmmmm hmmm hmmm
rock
rock
rock

Trigger tonight at 9, ER (egg retrieval) thursday morning at 8. ET (embryo transfer), if all goes well, on Monday. Still scared out of my wits that something will go wrong and no eggs will get retrieved like last time.
Finally touched base with the finance folks at the hospital...
and found one IM needle in my bag-o-tricks
and
gosh. this is really something.

Pundalina, and K are just about exactly on my schedule, and sweet Traci is coming up soon if her cyst will let her get on with things.

You know how you hope for a pony, more than anything you want a pony, then maybe you get a pony and you're all like HOLY SHIT! A PONY! I feel kind of like that, please IVF IVF IVF? and then suddenly IVF! And I am all holy shit! IVF! so I am not sure what this means about my personality, I sure as hell hope I am not better and wishing than having, otherwise the next, say, 40 years or so should be interesting. I think it is more that I am used to wanting and not entirely used to getting/having/keeping (although I would like to get used to it), and I am simply not used to having the good thing happen when I get to the crossroads and it could go one way or the other.
This journey has been far from affirming.

So,
rock, rock, rocking.
and la la la mmmmmmm la la

And, sincerely, thank you so much for all of your kind words and support!

on!

EGG RETRIEVAL THURSDAY!!!!

Woot!
and yabber.
(because what is woot without yabber, I ask you)
and
holy moly I AM SO SCARED- what if there are no eggs retrieved like last time?
what if they get some but they are not mature?
or don't pollinate? I mean, fertilize?
what if they don't divide and grow?
what if
what if
what if
what if there are no eggs?
I think you get the picture, heck, you can probably hear my brain all the way over there,
somewhere between a babble and a scream.
and
holy moly I am so psyched. This little upgrade decision just upped our chances 2X.
And holy moly I am so scared. This ups the ante, ups the financial component too-- more to lose.

All I know: 19 16 16 14 13 13 13 12 mostly on the right, and they hope to get 4-7 if all goes well. I stim today and tomorrow morning... then trigger tomorrow night, time TBD.

oh my oh my oh my
and one "holy shit" for good measure
and
one very sincere "please".