I am still sick and feeling bluegray and sort of leaden. I am not so deep in blue that I cannot see my way out, this is more like a ground fog, the kind that makes things mysterious.
Yesterday, on my way to work, my long rainy drive took me up through mountains and past some bogs that were wearing full fall color, reds and oranges, all still fully leafed and glorious. I could only see right by the sides of the road, so I could not be distracted by long views. Everything visible was immediate.
I am trying to make my way through this day that way, looking at what is in front of me, and trying not to be distracted by my mood or the long views that cause my heart to race.
Anxiety has been vibrating in my body, and I want to hear what it is telling me.
That's a lie. I want to be able to listen without having to DO anything about the information it is providing. So we are at an impasse. I am looking away, legs and arms crossed, foot dangling. I am humming.