I can't whistle: notes from the trenches

18 September 2011

notes from the trenches

Doug and Della are asleep after a very restless sleepless night.

Last night was Della's second very disrupted night this week, so we are restarting the Zantac, and praying to whatever gods might be listening.

Last night, sitting on the sofa, I realized my throat was sore, and I was achy. When I get sick, sometimes it is like that. One minute I am ok, maybe just a bit blue, the next I am sick.

I had PLANS for today, people. Painting plans. Beading plans. And all I am is tired, achy, snotty and low.

So, I will wash my brushes, and just try to be ok with just being today. Being tired. being snotty.

On a fun note, Della learned to feed herself cheerios this week. It is the cutest thing ever. It begins with a perfect pincher grip, a single cheerio, and ends up with whole hand in mouth...

It's been a week of bright moons and wild night skies here.

And two days of cold with morning frost.

Seasons are shifting so fast I feel unsteady. I just want to say wait wait wait! Give me a minute! I need to catch up!

1 comment:

Linda Jane said...: Hi Kate, I hope you don't mind if I read your blog. I'm excited about Della's cheerio success, it certainly is progress from picking up, holding for a while, and then throwing on thr floor :-); September 19, 2011 at 6:45 PM

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About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.
Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.
I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."

--Abraham