27 June 2012

toes? bite them?

... was the first complex sentency-thing uttered by the insanely adorable Della yesterday morning. Asked, earnestly, while holding her foot up to my mouth, you know, in case I did not *get it*.

I realized I need to document a few things here, otherwise they'll get lost-- like she cannot yet make the k sound... inserts t instead.
Blat instead of black, for example.

She is all about body parts, today's review included her showing me her calves, knees, and asking again and again what her heels are called.  She often wakes up, and immediately begins a review of recently learned ideas and words.  Amazing.

She is also able to fill in words in songs now, twinkle twinkle little  (tar)
life LIFE is so big right now... crazy moments of ill timed and stunning computer crashes, quick decisions, of plans and unplans, and replans, and plans to plan and chucking the plan and just making stuff up.

It is about adaptation right now, survival-mode adaptation, with a bit of jaunty glee.  Sleep deprivation, necessity, mother of invention, of pushing through anyway, of whittling down though some of the extra stuff, making course corrections again and again and again, like walking a maze in the dark.

I am making work changes, check out www.kate-johnson.com for updates. I am pretty excited about bringing my best workstuff forward a little more, make it more visible to the world.  I also have to do it in bite sized pieces of time. Again, not waiting until, but doing it anyway, in the space I have, in the time I have... a very different kind of choice than I would usually make.

Usually I want to know what the plan is.
I want to have one.
I want to minimize my exposure by either staying invisible, or being damn sure all my ducks are in a row before I reveal anything, especially things close to my heart.

But this time, DOING not planning, and boy howdy, how exhilarating! Scary and interesting, feeling my way through.

My poor busy brain would have me say otherwise, but really, this is so much more about feeling than thinking.

I am used to my heart taking sort of a back seat work-wise, and it is so cool to have it starting to lead.  But my poor brain is not quite ready to just hush up and make things happen.

I almost imagine a stubborn ox pulling the cart.  The heart says GO GO GO, and the ox-brain says, now wait a minute.  Let me eat something. Or nap. Or go over here instead.  Or are you sure? Really sure?
And I imagine fear as a little rat, nibbling the reins.
And sometimes the rat outsizes the ox.


Jenefer Maron said...

Today I went online and found your blog really amazing, I think you have an amazing creativity I am happy to learn from you even can't be met in the real world.
Dental Care for Low Income

Kate said...

I'm so glad to hear Della is doing so well. K hasn't reached the age of "why?" even now at 2 1/4 years. I'm sure it will come soon, but for now am enjoying not having incessant questions that I don't know how to answer.