it is dusk and snowing
everything feels soft and distant right now, even though the snow and the dusk makes thing seem closer in some ways.
I am feeling insulated here in my office space.
no lights on except the white lights that drape around my window and the glow of the computer.
I am feeling off today, a bit tender, a bit raw
My darlin's have both been sick, and so far I've escaped it.
Rumors of a terrible fevery stomach flu going around have me scared, I do not have the resilience to cope with it. Having it, tending it, dreading it. We have one bathroom. One is barely enough many days, and it is never enough when those bugs hit. I just want to not get it and I want, just as much, to not be worried. Daycare does not begin again until next wednesday for us. I am hoping that through some miracle this built in delay between now and then will somehow stop the bug from spreading through the school. I do know it moves quickly.
As of January I am dropping back to three days a week until business picks up a bit. This does not feel good either. I know it is a seasonal slump, but it feels scary, when my mosaic-ed work construct feels scary anyway due to the inherent lack of stability and uncertainty. I am hoping that it will be a soft time, with much playing with Della. I hope I can let go of the worry enough to be as present as I can be. She is miraculous.
She sings and now plays with her doll house (a little one we got her for christmas). She talks more, dances, laughs, is very very bossy, very particular, very funny with eyebrows that raise quizzically, and shoulders that shrug, and a busy-ness that takes her around and around and around, back and forth, back and forth, room to room. She still loves her tractors, loves to swaddle her toys in dish towels, wants ever so desperately to play with the cat. She loves Phineas and Ferb, Bo on the go, yo gabba gabba and some fairy thing Doug found on netflix.
Personally, I love Shaun of the sheep.
She can count to 20 missing only 14 and 15, asks the names of things, and is totally engaged or not, not much in between, when we do anything at all. We adventure together, out and about. She has a new car seat thanks to santa (grandpa Mark), so hopefully that will work better in my car. She loves people watching. There is a kid's science center up in Norwich VT, TOTALLY worthwhile if you have a little one under, say, 6. Or if you are kid-hearted. Fun stuff, stimulating, good bathrooms.... loads to do. We'll be going again.
Sky, snow, and ground are all the same blue gray right now, the pines nearly black. I'll sign off now, but wanted to check in. Funny how when I feel unmoored a bit like this, I am called back here, a touchstone I guess, a grounding.
Wishing you all peace this snowy night, under the big quiet moon.