And doubly blessed because I know it. I am blessed with friends and family whom I would chose. I have a far flung posse of wonderful supporters, folks who truly send love and wishes for peace in my heart and gently remind me to keep moving toward the things that make me feel the most fulfilled, the least depleted, the happiest, whole-est, most present, most kate.
I have friends, many of whom I have not even met yet all over this country and in the UK, who offer a kind of kindred spirit, soul food, uncomplicated love...
I wanted to write about the importance of finding your tribe, or letting them find you. There are folks who resonate immediately who you know are going to matter, about whom you feel a bit shy when you realize they are looking at you, paying attention, pulling for you... there are folks who come at exactly the right moment with exactly the right message... there are folks who call you out when you're doing self harm in the guise of unconscious habit brought upon by stress, not enough sleep, or anything else that brings old behaviors into current use like a broken down pair of shoes.
Yes, I am struggling right now, but I am being held up and held onto, I am being encouraged and loved, I am being encouraged to be as much of my self as it is safe to be wherever I find myself. And I need to keep moving toward what I know to be true, toward what I know feeds me and brings me joy.
So often, it is not that we don't know what we want, it is just so hard to give ourselves permission to do it. And sometimes, we also have to ask for help.
I want to paint more, so am looking for a simple and safe baby backpack-- anyone have an old one that you loved but have outgrown that you'd be willing to sell me or exchange for a painting?
Please keep reminding me of who I am, and that I am in here no matter what it may seem, no matter how high the heap-o-crap gets.
This house thing sucks ass. I mean it. I have been through worse, of course, and this will somehow come and go and I will not be destroyed by this. We will not be homeless. We will move together toward the next thing, and by stepping away from this, I will be able to step toward things that grow my heart and ease my soul, and I am fighting so hard to let myself feel hopeful in the midst of this sad, this disappointment, this bewilderment.
My friends, all of you, my family, all of you, thank you. I am so grateful for all of you. Truly.