02 April 2011

today? snow

Snowy day, with the biggest flakes falling
and rain
and tiny snowflakes
and rain
and snow again
I was up at 3am, until 4:30 trying to shush my busy and not-at-all-productive mind.
Yesterday I felt somehow resigned, today raw. I kept moving and kept feeling like tears were just below the surface, just below like one breath away.

I drove by dublin lake with its fresh layer of snow on the ice, and the wind has already made ripples and the melt patterns underneath were showing through, and it was so incredibly beautiful. And the sky! The north sky was dark and deep and moody like a july evening gathering for a thunderstorm, but all it brought was rain
and snow
and rain
and snow

I'm ok, just flailing a bit. More than a bit. A big, olympic flail.
Realtor wednesday, to talk about a short sale.
Our only real option. I feel like I'm watching myself break all my rules, one by one. It is an interesting exercise in redefinition.


tireegal68 said...

Big hugs, my dear! Stand tall.
We all followed the rules except for some people who screwed it up for decent honest hardworking people like us. Now we are paying the price.
Where is DH in all this? I hope he is being an anchor for you, better still a safe harbor. Cliches come from somewhere!

Michele said...

Sweetie, I'm so sorry... Sending love and so many warm thoughts...

What IF? said...

StrongKate, sending you light and courage. With Doug and Della by your side, you can overcome anything. I'm sure this awfulness with your job and home sale feels huge and insurmountable right now, but you will get through this. Hang in there.

sprogblogger said...

I'm sorry you feel like you're flailing - you do know you're an incredibly strong woman, right? You do know that the rules don't apply in cases like this. You aren't breaking anything - you're finding a path out of the dark place you're in. And it's scary. And it's hard - so very hard - not to know exactly what the next step is. But you'll get out of the bad place and you'll be ok. Your family will be better than ok, actually, because you are who you are. Thinking of you with so much love in my heart.

alyssa ettinger said...

you're not flailing, you're dealing. you dealing with shit, mind you, but you're dealing and moving forward. it sucks, i won't lie, but you won't know what's on the other wide till you wade through the muck.

Elizabeth said...

Sweet Kate, love and light to you every day. I wish I were close enough to hold your hand, drive you to real estate appointments, cry and laugh in turns, and just help in any way. I know you are strong, you know you are strong. One day, one breath at a time. Sending love,

Emily Erin said...

First off, this stinks, and I'm sorry that you're going through it. I am holding you up in love and light for someone wonderful who 'gets' your house to find it, buy it and promise to love it as much as you have.

Secondly, I have some new imaginary thinking for you to do next time you're up in the middle of the night. (Since at my house, only imaginary thinking is happening in the middle of the night).

Do a bit of research to find out how much it would cost a month to rent a home of the size you live in. Next work out how much you would have spent in rent if you had only rented. Then subtract that figure from how much you bought the house for. Lastly, once you have the Realtor's estimate for what you'll get via short sale, subtract that from what you spent.

EX: Rita bought her house in April 2006 for $200,000. If she'd rented a similar house it would have cost $1,100 a month. ($1,100x60=$66,000 & $200,000-$66,000= $134,000). Her Realtor thinks that she can get $135,000 on a short sale. For Rita, she didn't 'lose' money, she broke even. And even if it took a few months to sell, she was just 'paying rent' so subtracting $1,100 each month, and she also earned a tax break each year that she owned the house.

Does my imaginary thinking make things any easier? No. But somehow it makes it feel just a little less bad, maybe. Know that you're surrounded by folks who are holding good thoughts for you. And hey-- in less than two weeks you have an anniversary to celebrate, so don't let that get lost in the ug, okay? Hugs from here.