This came up this weekend for me over at the campfire, and it is worth sharing since I am absolutely sure I am not alone:
As long as I am working from the premise that I must meet someone else's expectations or hopes for me, I have less energy to invest in developing, acknowledging, and achieving my own.
As long as I am afraid that whatever I create or envision will never be good enough, I will never do it (why bother?), or do it within a sub-context of fear and the presumption of insufficiency.
I have always been acutely aware of the cost (to me) of disappointing other people and never, until this very moment, spent a conscious minute being aware that there may be a cost to disappointing myself.
2 comments:
I am wondering why you feel this way and by that, I mean, where did the feeling of meeting others' expectations of you and fear of disappointing them come from?
I ask, because it is not a feeling I have. I think because of my brother's tragic death when I was 11 and the lack of support I received in dealing with my grief, that I learned early on that the only person responsible for my life and what I did with it was me. From as far back as I can remember, I consciously never gave a flying eff what other people thought of me or about what I should do. And, many of the decisions I made flew in the face of what my parents would have had me do.
Even now, I've gotten flack from some folks about getting another tattoo. What, at MY age? Please! I'm getting the tattoo. (and I know this is a much more benign decision than the ones you are likely speaking of, but my point is, I'm doing what I want to do for me, regardless of what anyone else may think).
It is what it is-- you're so right and insightful! My sister and I were talking about this very thing, that not everyone gets this particular gift from the universe. Although I hate (HATE) that your early tragedy may have put you on a path of intense self-reliance, I wonder about each of us/all of us, and how we got to be who we are-- how much is genetic, how much is environmental, how much is personality and how much can we make a positive impact in the lives of our little ones? Specifically I wonder how to best equip my little one to be more like you than like me in this way.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing your thoughts! I truly appreciate it!
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