as if

Well I don't have a definite plan. But I have an outline. Birth control until February 22nd. Period with luck around February 25-26. Ultrasound soon after along with start of stimulation drugs (max dose follistim and menopur), some number of days later if all is progressing add antagon. Egg retrieval (AS IF) sometime the week of March 9th (with intramuscular hCG this time yay).

My meeting with the doc was fine. No new news or ideas. Since 1984 he has had this happen only one other time, this zero eggs retrieved thing... He is used to about 80% of aspirated follicles resulting in eggs. So he expected we'd get a whopping 4 to play with from my 6 follicles.

This time I will do all my monitoring up at the mothership. Which means I will be spending some nights up there. At least this time I will be able to do a better job with injection stuff- I can ask for a place to do it this time, I don't have to do it in the bathroom (seriously, how could I not have thought of that last time??)

I asked if we can measure the hCG the morning after the injection and he said yes. I said I wanted time to re-inject (and reschedule egg retrieval) if something goes wrong. I think we are both (the doc and I) resolute rather than enthusistic. But we are both curious. What will happen this time? (I said, hey you can write a paper! and he said, you don't want to be a paper, kate.-- but you know? if it works or even if it doesn't, if something can be learned from this strange occurance, I do hope he shares it more broadly)


Ok, with all of that, with the plan, the pill... I need to say, really I just feel odd and off, maybe it is the pill, maybe it is the perception of a delay (which it barely is, I mean, 19 whole days on the pill, and a few more after that to wait for my next cycle day 1-- probably just 3 weeks total)... I don't know. But I do know this: two days of sad, feeling down and very very tired. Work trouble too so that is not helping. This economy? Sucks rocks. Anyway, this whole sad thing, this tired thing, this doobie doobie down down thing, this is not my non-IVF usual. So, I blame the new stuff, the pill, the new and improved work stress. But I also know that if I am aware enough to realize when I start to feel mired, I'll just try to keep moving-literally take a walk or a hike or do even a moment of yoga or bounce on my exercise ball... or delve into a creative project. Or perhaps most importantly for my introverted self (I have a tendency to retreat and hibernate), I need to remember to reach out.

So, I am heading to my sister's today for some much needed sibling therapy. She has two amazing boys (6,11), so the house is a wild ruckus of boy energy and adolecent puppy dog and not-enough-time-to-do-everything-ness. And the 3 hour drive is always a good thing for me-- both ways. Sometimes it is good just to move through space.

Hey, something else that is positive: I signed up for an art workshop in the fall. I chickened out last year, so this year I decided I would just do it. So I am.