I can't whistle: Yesterday

20 February 2009

Yesterday

I am not sure why I am having trouble posting. Busy, yes. Distracted, yes. Not taking the time, apparently. Not feeling like I have anything to say that is post-worthy, probably. Some of the earliest days of this blog I had to keep myself from posting twice, felt like I was bursting with things I wanted to get out. Now I worry I blather on, feel the need to wait for meaningful content. Gah.

Screw that. Today I am simply posting.

Time seems to be whooshing by in some ways, standing stock still in others. I am in the halfway point in my version of the two week wait, the waiting before I begin.

And I am having such a weird week.

Yesterday I heard back from the assistant of an adoption coordinator whom I had tried to contact a few weeks back, and was worried that I had ended up in her spam folder. It turns out she's had surgery and is recovering. She asked her assistant to reply and she did. Susan was simply wonderful, human, humane, funny, and an info packet is on the way.

Yesterday I spoke to my clinic just to check in since I will be away some next week. Sweet Sharon told me she has collected nearly all the stim drugs I will need for the cycle that starts the end of next week- she has been squirreling away donated medications for me during this cursed/beloved wait, and all I will need to order is the Antagon and the hCG. I was awed. I am awed. I am grateful beyond words.

Yesterday my dear friend Tammy called to tell me a close friend of hers (a really lovely and interesting woman I met just once) wanted to donate eggs to us. Are you kidding me? What an amazingly generous and surprising and intense thing. I am speechless, stunned, awed, humbled.

We are going ahead with IVF#2-- this truly is our priority. But we are learning more about adoption. And we are starting to imagine all that comes with considering the amazing offer of donated eggs, an option we had discussed a while back and decided against. There is a full measure of awe in the re-consideration.

This I can say:

Thank you universe. For rocking my boat.

6 comments:

Maredsous said...: Yippee!!! It sounds like you had a few late b-day presents. That is wonderful. Every piece of news.

So happy things are going well and you have many options. You know when you have these possibilities you won't need them because you are going to get pregnant this IVF cycle.; February 20, 2009 at 11:30 PM
What IF? said...: Kate, wow, suddenly there are so many amazing options and backup options to consider. It's a lot to get one's head around. GL with IVF #2. I'm thrilled for you that your clinic is giving you the donated meds. That right there restores my faith in humankind.

- IComLeavWe Comment #2; February 21, 2009 at 11:46 AM
Sarah said...: Wow! Funny how the world works sometimes. I don't know why halfway through any wait seems like the worst part. I guess you've been stuck in it for a while but the end isn't any closer than the beginning yet. Well today it is, cheers to that.; February 21, 2009 at 3:42 PM
karen alonge said...: I am here, witnessing, feeling awe and gratitude for the glimpses of Grace In Action ...; February 21, 2009 at 11:15 PM
Grade A said...: What wonderful surprises from the universe. Having options takes so much stress out of any situation–I can only think that is exactly what you need for this cycle. I have a sense of you being cloaked in goodness and positive energy.; February 22, 2009 at 8:02 AM
What IF? said...: Kate, thanks for stopping by my blog throughout the day yesterday to check for updates, and for the lovely comment you left. xoxo.; February 24, 2009 at 9:23 AM

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About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.
Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.
I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."

--Abraham