16 February 2009

one trick pony

Was away for about 24 hours--
came back to some great news--- Sarah and April both got positives!
and some hard news-- Emily and BB both got negatives--I am sure they could stand a little internet love.

24 hours away- 24 hours with the stated objective of having very little discussion about jobs (the one that will be lost in August and the stress of finding a new one), IVF, or any other obviously stress inducing subject.

And mostly I found out that suck at this. From the outside I did fine I think- but the inside? I found myself self-censoring, moving myself away from thoughts as they came up. Like meditation, these things kept coming up and I kept steering myself away- over and over and over...

No matter what, it was good to get away, good to reconnect and good to talk about other things for a little while. I even spent some time looking at things outside my roaring head- those wheeling seagulls, that light tracing the top of the breaking waves, that sweet guy across the table.


Elle said...

Yeah, it's hard to just banish those thoughts. They have a way of burbling to the surface even after you've pushed them away multiple times.

But thoughts aside, it's good for you and your relationship just not to talk about them for a bit -- you remind yourself that the whole big world is still out there, and that can be a good feeling.

Sarah said...

eh, cut yourself some slack, i can't really see how it's possible to not think about it all. managing to banish the thoughts from time to time sounds like a big enough accomplishment to me!!

Anonymous said...

wanted to wish you a belated happy birthday! and thank you for all your sweet comments. it's impossible to not get stuck in your head with all this stuff. getting out there and at least having more opportunities to talk about the other stuff that fills our lives is a good way to give yourself a tiny break, even if your brain won't let you leave it all the way.