05 April 2010

10w 1d

and all is amazingly wonderfully well.

How odd to talk about "normal" OB stuff, pregnant lady stuff, fatigue, breasts, feelings of barfiness....
no mention of dead or dying babies, no dire percentages, no words of warning or bated breath, just.... you're pregnant, here's what to expect, here's what to avoid...

In fact, now our chances of a dire outcome are less than 5%
and in two weeks, at the 1st trimester screening, if all is well, there'll be less than 1% chance of a dire outcome...

Standing at the edge of the woods in COMPLETE DISBELIEF and awe, really.
Wonder.

I saw our little one move
saw arm buds
saw heart flickering
cursed the shit ultrasound that OBs have versus the hubble telescope imaging of the RE's office...

But, yeah
there's this HUGE separation between what I see on the screen and what I can imagine happening inside me right this very moment. Cognitive dissonance. I see it up there, know it to be true, feel relief and astonishment, but to imagine That, in Me, right now, right now, it is almost more than I can comprehend.

I left the freebies in the bathroom at the Dr office, not quite ready to tempt fate so blatantly with a diaper bag filled with formula propaganda. But I did swipe a free fit pregnancy. Imagining, someday, I will be able to actually exercise (gently) again in some form that is more widely recognized than toothbrushing.

So, nuchal fold etc in two weeks at the MFM I really like but who was, unfortunately, the very same guy who was there the day we discovered our missed miscarriage. I hoped not to return there, but will since he is a great guy and know we are in good hands. I am just hoping/expecting out outcome will be (already is) a whole, hell of a lot better this time around.

(holy shit folks, I'm pregnant)

20 comments:

Jules a.k.a. Julie said...

I'm so happy for you and Doug! Counting down to the 1st trimester screen with you! I know all will be well!

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Honestly, I was mostly in disbelief until the moment of birth. I believed but I didn't. I knew but I didn't. I trusted but I didn't.

I hope that you can find and embrace more yes moments than I was able to. Sickness aside, it really is marvelous to have a little life (or two) inside of you.

sprogblogger said...

You are most certainly, indubitably, pregnant! And I hear you on the cognitive dissonance. I keep reading these "Your baby is five inches long by now" and I hold up a ruler and look at my belly & go "Naw. No way."

10 weeks, sweetie, and counting down to the HUGE hurdle. Here's looking forward right with you to getting into the magical 2nd trimester.

I can't tell you how happy I am that everything's going so smoothly (well, aside from the barfiness & fatigue) and well for you. Makes me feel like the universe is actually smiling these days.

karen alonge said...

grinning ear to ear with delight at this news.

congratulations!!

Brooke said...

I really know how you are feeling - I had an u/s today at 10w 1d, and saw the baby moving around, dancing is what it really looked like, and I thought to myself "THAT is in ME?'.

It is so strange!

I am really so happy for you! How do you feel aboutr being due on Halloween? I think it so fun....

meinsideout said...

You are totally pregnant and I love it - so, so happy for you and looking forward to the 2nd tri!

Grade A said...

I remember that cognitive dissonance thing, too...I just couldn't make that mind and body connection. Really? I'm pregnant? That is my uterus you are taking pictures of?? It all changed when I could feel movement–it was so amazingly cool! Of course, it just gave me something else to worry about when the dear boy was resting...

Oh, Kate, I am so excited for you!!!!

What IF? said...

I can totally relate to what you're saying about the cognitive distance and disbelief. It's only starting to subside for me now... 5 months post birth! Just wrote a blog post about it:
http://ginnegaap.blogspot.com/2010/03/bonding.html

May it happen *much* faster for you. I'm doing a happy dance every time I read your blog! So completely thrilled for you.

kdactyl said...

OH yes....isn't it jut the best feeling ever? As a fellow over 40IVF mom who suffered two previous losses I totally understand where you are coming from. Sooooo very excited for you and you will LOVE the ultrasound at the NT scan...they are hubble like as well. Enjoy this time. I wish I was there already...we are just 6 weeks into baby #2 at almost 43 years old. But the difference is that this baby is the result of an adopted embryo...life, family and parenthood has so many choices these days....I love it!!!!

kd

Joannah said...

This is just so wonderful! I am so happy for you. My transfer is planned for June. :)

Jamie said...

Thinking about you and praying for you everyday....
Much, much love to you!

babyinterrupted said...

Oh, how much I truly understand how you're feeling - which I'm sure you know. Here's hoping a sense of reality and peace settles on both of us soon and very soon. :)

Nic said...

Woo-hoo! You are pregnant!
Cant believe you are 10 weeks already!!
Not long untill 1st trimester os over and into the 2nd trimester!!
Take care x

Kate said...

Yay for 10 weeks with a live baby! Time sure is flying, at least or me. So so happy for you!!!

Billy said...

:-))

t said...

i just can't tell you how happy i am for you... simply no words for all that warmth in my heart and the tears in my eyes as i read this post. i. am. just. so. happy. and you deserve every ounce of happiness that has come and continues to grow each day. man, those wiggles are incredible aren't they!

xxoo

Sprogblogger's mom said...

So very happy for you, Dear Kate.
You (and of course Srogblogger) have been in my prayers each day for a long time. Enjoy every minute of your 'normal pregnant lady' status. Wish you two lived closer together...would love the idea of your two little ones growing up together...lifetime best friends.

With Overwhelming Joy, Sarah

Hua said...

Hey Kate,

I'm happy so much is going so well for you. Keep us updated on how you and your little one are doing.

Hey Jen,

It's awesome you got to meet the women that have played such a huge role in your life. Also, I hope you're felling better soon.

I found your blog while searching for heartfelt and helpful stories while dealing with Infertility. I think your personal story could help those who are going through a hard time and looking for support throughout their journey with Infertility. Wellsphere's HealthBlogger Network (HBN) is comprised of over 3,000 of bloggers who support each other through 150 communities including infertility, depression, dealing with loss and adoption.

For more information about joining, please visit http://www.wellsphere.com/health-blogger or email me at hua [at] wellsphere [dot] com

Best,
Hua
Director of Blogger Networks

Michele said...

holy shit indeed... and it is GREAT!!! so happy for you!!!

chinacallphone said...

Woo-hoo! You are pregnant!
Cant believe you are 10 weeks already!!
Not long untill 1st trimester os over and into the 2nd trimester!!
Take care x!!!!!China TV cell Phone