22 May 2010

fear, lightness, resonance

Sometimes it is easy to lose track of what is important, what works, what makes us happy. When we are all tied up in knots the things that work sometimes escape us. Sometimes it is the easiest thing- a few slow deep breaths, 10 seconds of beauty, a moment of pure attention, curling up on a sweetie... sometimes it is a complicated journey, we eat this, we stretch, we stay still, we fret, we wonder, we pace, we still don't remember what calls us, what works for us, what brings our pieces together, gathered in our hands like pie crust.....

Yesterday I was asked to decrease my hours, this is both a blessing and the most fearful thing ever. It is also hard to hear I am not indispensable after 12 years even though I know it to be true. I started with relief (not laid off!) moved toward possibility (what else can fill this space?) and moved rather rapidly toward a quiet panic, seeing dominos of what ifs and oh shits and holy crap and finally fear and sadness settled rather heavily in my solar plexus.

So today I am trying to let it rest, let it be. Let the surprise and my responses move toward whatever is next, and let the universe help me guide myself toward what makes me happiest.

In the quest for lightness I am heading down to my sister's for a family party to celebrate our pregnancy and elopement...
and
I will leave you with these two beautiful things--
3191 is a lovely blog, always has been... image feasts and delight and yesterday's post is such a great reminder to do what works
and
Maya Stein, a favorite writer, has done it again. Just when I needed a message... read down to the bottom of the current piece (dated May 13th) and see if it does not strike you as it struck me. Resonance.


4 comments:

sprogblogger said...

I am sorry for you and I am happy for you. Sorry because taking a reduction in hours is stressful on a few levels, but very happy because I think you have so very much more to offer the world than punching in at a 9-5 job (no matter how rewarding!) Happy because I think this might open up the space you need to find what makes you happiest.

And I do so want you to be the happiest Kate you can be.

Michele said...

I agree with Sprogblogger. 100%

DaisyGal said...

I swear sometimes the best things come out of the things that look bad on the outside. I hope that you find that in this new opportunity, a chance to find joy and peace and comfort and REST in the extra time. :)

3191 was awesome...JUST DANCE! Of course.

thanks for sharing. :)
and have fun on your mini vacation.

karen alonge said...

ditto to what sprogblogger said.