11 February 2012

45



And today, I turn 45.
Here I am, suddenly (it seems) finding myself midway through the middle.

I had trouble with this one. I usually don't. Birthdays for me are days to thank my mom, thank my parents, and sort of feel awe. I could freak out about mortality any old day.  So I don't usually get swept up in birthday angst. But this one came with some pre-anxiety. Maybe it is because I am still seeking my path(s). Maybe it is because it feels very midlifey in a way other birthday's somehow avoided (44? still "early" 40s!).  Not sure, but with relief I can say that today dawned with no anxiety. "There", I felt, with some lightness, some solidity. "There".


13 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Happy, happy, happy day and happy year to walk your paths wherever they takes you and yours. It will be wonderful, I know it.

I miss you! Sending much love,
Elizabeth

Kate said...

Happy birthday! You're not old, and your Della will keep you young for a good long time.
You're only as old as you feel in your heart. I've met 90 year olds who feel like they're still 19.

It Is What It Is said...

I celebrated 45 with much joy, but in the days following, it hit me that I have perhaps lived more life than I now have left to live. That is a profound and off-putting. I will be 46 in May, so don't I know how quickly it goes.

Queenie. . . said...

I like to think that because we are so much wiser as we age, the second half of life is exponentially better/richer/more enjoyable than the first half. So my my math, you are just now headed for the really good stuff. Happy birthday!

alyssa said...

hapy birthday, sweet kate, i *knew* i'd missed it, as usual, but i remain a diligent worker on your gift. love you.

Nic said...

Happy birthday! 45 is only a number! X

Kristin Noelle said...

Happy birthday, Kate! I didn't realize our birthdays were so close - mine's tomorrow!

Sprogblogger said...

Happy happy birthday & new year to you, dear Kate. I suspect year #45 is going to be a splendid one for you & yours--at least that is my fervent hope.

B. said...

One thing that I've noticed since Charlotte's arrival is that I don't have the time to dwell on myself very much. I have moments, but then Charlotte does something or needs something and my attention is pulled elsewhere. I also find myself in awe... to be mom to a toddler at our age is incredible. I'm not sure I could have appreciated her as much at a more traditional parental age. And I silently thank myself for not giving up- on the dreams of finding my life partner, building a life together, and populating it with little miracles. You've accomplished so much, and you are so aware of who you are- I'm sure this will be an amazing year for you! Happy Birthday, with much love.

Mo and Will said...

oh, happy birthday mekate!

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Wishing you a very happy birthday and a marvelous year.

Jem said...

Happy Birthday! I freaked out at 40, but that's because I felt so unfulfilled and frustrated with IF. Just remember that as a thoughtful, introspective person, you will be searching for meaning and self-expression your whole life, for the whole journey.

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