I can't whistle: cd1

04 February 2009

cd1

A quick update to say today is cycle day 1- a call to the clinic resulted in me being on the pill for 19 days to get into the queue,

so yes, we are doing this thing.

They've already started putting medications aside for me (!) which is amazingly wonderful. I guess they went from none to some to some more.... so, I guess I have my own shoebox or something.

I feel so mixed, so crazy. The clarity is this: yes, if I do not try this, I will always wonder what if ....

and that does not mean I am not conflicted, I sure am. This is crazy, it is unlikely, it is in some ways really really irresponsible, it is selfish... and yes, I am absolutely sure my future self would come shake me and say just try it kate. just do this thing. otherwise how will you know?

I'll be back on when I have a plan.

Happy to hear Maredsous is back in the um, saddle? back on the horse? the merrygoround? (why is there no good saying for this?)- Keeping my fingers crossed for her and for all of you who are out there galloping.

4 comments:

Sarah said...: Webster's definition of selfish: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

i don't think seeking to fulfill something in our hearts is necessarily selfish. i mean it's not like you're trying for EIGHT!; February 4, 2009 at 6:49 PM
bb said...: I am so happy you are able to try again and how amazing that they are helping you with your meds. Now that you have one under your belt and with a few changes this could be really great! I am really hopeful for you!; February 4, 2009 at 6:58 PM
Anonymous said...: Hello-
This is the first time I have visited your blog.

I am reaching out to my fellow bloggers to talk about my new non profit Parenthood for Me.org. I am an adoptive mom who underwent IF for 4 years. Our mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those starting families through adoption or medical intervention. Please visit our website and blog http://parenthoodforme.blogspot.com. We are trying to raise awareness and build up the endowement so that we can begin to help people start their families.
Thank you,
Erica Schlaefer; February 4, 2009 at 9:58 PM
Joannah said...: That's great! I really believe that when one has a need the resources will be made available. I'm glad you took a leap of faith for this!; February 4, 2009 at 10:56 PM

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About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.
Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.
I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."

--Abraham