24 weeks, HURRAH!

24 weeks!

and a katebelly picture. My mom took this of me today - it was dang hot so I am wearing very little but a big-ole-grin. Those are not my real boobs, they are my impostor boobs. They feel fake mostly, except the ouch factor. Otherwise they are entirely unlike my usual ones.

I want to thank you all of your outrage and up-welling of support for me in the job situation. And thank you sweet new commenters as well as older friends. this does, indeed, suck rocks. And, I do have an update for you and for those of you eager for me to sue, I have some bad news: I do not have a leg to stand on. I reviewed the laws and rules today (thanks to sprogblogger) and in each one there is a loophole my boss can legitimately drive a tank through--something called business necessity. In this economy, with this difficult time financially, we are being financed by him at this moment and not our customers (we are a very very small company so this is possible)- he is personally bankrolling our pay and hoping for improvement. As such, honestly, this can be seen as an obvious business necessity-- both the pay cut and the impending job loss.

And, even if I did feel I had footing to lodge a complaint (which I don't), my friends work there.

And I have to work there until I am either asked to leave or have somewhere to go and have no desire to make things harder/more awkward between now and then. (Did I mention how small the company is? 10 of us, 2 of us with reduced hours, one remote staff member just laid off, and me, notified my job is ending in January)

So yes, it feels unfair, it feels like I've been singled out for a worldclass screwing, but .... if I step back, yes, I have been screwed, but others have been screwed too. I also see that there are no good options at the moment.

In light of my personality and my desire to make-the-best-of-it-between-freakouts, this weekend I read a career book and have spent probably 20 hours job searching, researching and networking. (Anyone out there doing management/organizational consulting for technology companies that needs a creative and intuitive person on staff who has a technical background? Drop me a line! I am very good at what I do which is translate between different kinds of engineers, management, real life workerbees, clarify goals and issues, create and propose solutions, and foster mutual understanding for organizational and individual benefit). (PS I promise I have professional work clothes too).

I have whittled a bunch of things out from my initial go-to list of assumptions and expectations-- as a result of all of this work, I realized just how much I've changed and just how much the parts of me that values connection and creativity want to come out and play. And I realized just how much I want to care about what I do. I mean really care.

So- I'm working on it.

I have an on-line writing workshop coming up next weekend over at heartwork (still time to sign up!)-- I am very excited about it! But I find I am also wrestling a bit with performance anxiety. Breathe kate, all will be well. This is not vascular surgery. This is journaling. This I know.

So tonight as I celebrate 24 weeks with the biggest exhale ever, I am sitting on my stoop, sunlight filtering sideways through the trees. My garden perked up a bit from yesterday's rain. Oh! this morning? First light caught a million tiny raindrops that were tucked up high in the trees, and all was sparkle and delight.

There is so much beauty.

Please please universe, don't let me lose touch with this.