11 July 2010

24 weeks, HURRAH!


24 weeks!
and a katebelly picture. My mom took this of me today - it was dang hot so I am wearing very little but a big-ole-grin. Those are not my real boobs, they are my impostor boobs. They feel fake mostly, except the ouch factor. Otherwise they are entirely unlike my usual ones.

I want to thank you all of your outrage and up-welling of support for me in the job situation. And thank you sweet new commenters as well as older friends. this does, indeed, suck rocks. And, I do have an update for you and for those of you eager for me to sue, I have some bad news: I do not have a leg to stand on. I reviewed the laws and rules today (thanks to sprogblogger) and in each one there is a loophole my boss can legitimately drive a tank through--something called business necessity. In this economy, with this difficult time financially, we are being financed by him at this moment and not our customers (we are a very very small company so this is possible)- he is personally bankrolling our pay and hoping for improvement. As such, honestly, this can be seen as an obvious business necessity-- both the pay cut and the impending job loss.

And, even if I did feel I had footing to lodge a complaint (which I don't), my friends work there.
And I have to work there until I am either asked to leave or have somewhere to go and have no desire to make things harder/more awkward between now and then. (Did I mention how small the company is? 10 of us, 2 of us with reduced hours, one remote staff member just laid off, and me, notified my job is ending in January)

So yes, it feels unfair, it feels like I've been singled out for a worldclass screwing, but .... if I step back, yes, I have been screwed, but others have been screwed too. I also see that there are no good options at the moment.

In light of my personality and my desire to make-the-best-of-it-between-freakouts, this weekend I read a career book and have spent probably 20 hours job searching, researching and networking. (Anyone out there doing management/organizational consulting for technology companies that needs a creative and intuitive person on staff who has a technical background? Drop me a line! I am very good at what I do which is translate between different kinds of engineers, management, real life workerbees, clarify goals and issues, create and propose solutions, and foster mutual understanding for organizational and individual benefit). (PS I promise I have professional work clothes too).

I have whittled a bunch of things out from my initial go-to list of assumptions and expectations-- as a result of all of this work, I realized just how much I've changed and just how much the parts of me that values connection and creativity want to come out and play. And I realized just how much I want to care about what I do. I mean really care.

So- I'm working on it.

I have an on-line writing workshop coming up next weekend over at heartwork (still time to sign up!)-- I am very excited about it! But I find I am also wrestling a bit with performance anxiety. Breathe kate, all will be well. This is not vascular surgery. This is journaling. This I know.


So tonight as I celebrate 24 weeks with the biggest exhale ever, I am sitting on my stoop, sunlight filtering sideways through the trees. My garden perked up a bit from yesterday's rain. Oh! this morning? First light caught a million tiny raindrops that were tucked up high in the trees, and all was sparkle and delight.

There is so much beauty.
Please please universe, don't let me lose touch with this.


23 comments:

bb said...

Yay for 24 weeks! And yay for a picture! You are do adorable -- I love it!

I am so sorry about all the job stuff. You are keeping it together quite well and your positive attitude is amazing! Wonderfully amazing and it will see you through. I would not be handling it as well I can tell you that!

Also thanks for continuing to stop by my blog. Means so much!

sprogblogger said...

Ok, first off, and most importantly - HURRAH FOR 24 weeks!

Secondly, I am so sorry that your employer gets off the hook on this one, because it STILL doesn't seem fair to me. But there it is.

Having said THAT, you sound good and focused and grounded and I really think it's really going to be ok. There IS so much beauty and you, my dear, are a big part of that. Thinking of you.

Grade A said...

Dear Kate,

I am really really sorry for the shitty job situation.

I am also REALLY REALLY excited that you have made it to 24 weeks. You look so happy, my eyes welled up when I saw you.

Radiant. Really. Rah Rah!!!! 24 Weeks!

alyssa said...

omg, look at you! pregnant!

It is what it is said...

Congrats on 24 weeks! Big pregnancy milestone. Keep on doing what you are doing :)

As it relates to the job, without sounding too cliche, it will all work out as it is supposed to.

Enjoy each pregnant day you have. It is summertime, after all :)

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

You look so great! Happy 24!!!

karen alonge said...

love the pic! I was just thinking the other day that I was gonna have to harrass you until you posted a belly snapshot. guess I can settle back down now ...
you are so beautiful!

Joannah said...

You look gorgeous, Kate! :)

Pundelina said...

ahhhhh, beautifulkate with a beautifulbelly - what a lovely sight.

x

B. said...

Wonderful belly & beautiful mommy shot! There's an advantage to a summer pregnancy- you're wearing a lot less clothing than I was at 24 weeks, so the belly actually shows. I just looked plump in my oversized winter clothes, and even some co-workers didn't realize I was pregnant until I'd nearly reached the 8-month mark.

I'm thinking that the whole job-shake-up will ultimatley land you where you should have been headed to begin with. I wish it were a departure you'd chosen for yourself. And I wish I could join the e-workshop this weekend, but we have another wedding to attend. Next one?

Much love to you & baby! And your Sweetie too!

B. said...

Wonderful belly & beautiful mommy shot! There's an advantage to a summer pregnancy- you're wearing a lot less clothing than I was at 24 weeks, so the belly actually shows. I just looked plump in my oversized winter clothes, and even some co-workers didn't realize I was pregnant until I'd nearly reached the 8-month mark.

I'm thinking that the whole job-shake-up will ultimatley land you where you should have been headed to begin with. I wish it were a departure you'd chosen for yourself. And I wish I could join the e-workshop this weekend, but we have another wedding to attend. Next one?

Much love to you & baby! And your Sweetie too!

Jules a.k.a. Julie said...

Congrats on 24 weeks! You look beautiful in your photo! I can only imagine how stressful the job situation is but sometimes changes do bring about something better. Crossing my fingers this happens for you!

Jem said...

24 weeks? Already? Wow, time flies! Seems like just the other day you were switching to the new clinic that would work with you. And ta-da! Here you are passing a huge milestone! You looks so darn happy in that picture! Well-deserved.

I trust things will work out for the best with your job situation. You'll see!

Elizabeth said...

Yay for beautiful you; growing a baby!

I'm so sorry things have been so shitty at work and so not right and not fair and all that not. I hope some big, huge contract comes through or something changes so that you can stay (if you'd be willing) because that seems like the easiest thing. At the same time, I have so much admiration for how you're filling the space this not-ness opens up for you. The not the way I thought it would be space. . ..

And if there's anything I can do to help with your looking and thinking, email me. I'll keep my ears open.

Much love,
Elizabeth

meinsideout said...

you look so cute - and I hope things smooth out at work

Lauren said...

Belly belly belly belly!

Mad Hatter said...

Beautiful pic and a beautiful take on the world...thank you, and I hope that prosperity and fulfillment find you.
Love,
Maddy

lilly said...

LOVE the pic...makes me miss my pregnancy...you are beautiful!
thanks for sharing it.

robin said...

absolutely beautiful.

Michele said...

I dont think that the word beautiful does you justice. Suffice it to say, you look amazing.

Barefoot said...

I am so sorry about the work stuff -- it sounds like a giant pile of suck.

BUT.....you look BEAUTIFUL. Congrats on 24 weeks!!

linda said...

Time if flying by. I can't believe you're already this far along and, lo, there is the photo proof that you are! :-) You've definitely got a great pregnancy glow going on!

SDCrafts said...

As one of your Heartwork students, I am pleased to take time reading this blog. I will never catch up completely, Kate, but I can gather as we go along from this point.

So, the baby I knew about! How lovely that your darling can see development in time-lapsed frames! And that you get some space to yourself from time to time? Something we creators always manage to fill!

I am sorry about the job situation and will read back in a minute to find out more about that aspect of your life. However, I had to retire from teaching aged 40 due to having MS diagnosed. My health life has regressed on a continuum since that point but my heart & soul life has known no bounds of surprise, love and Life!

May this story be yours, Kate. Yours and Darling and Babe.

And the ecourse? Brilly-ant!