Truly- after a particularly awful exchange, I almost quit, and had to do everything in my power to make myself stay.
Toxic, abusive, acutely uncomfortable- I cannot believe how quickly this has gone to complete hell- and here I am facing a Monday and my whole day today has been accompanied by fluttery nerves and anxiety about the week to come. This sucks my life force to the point it is hard to even have the energy to do research, to find places to apply, to imagine doing what needs to be done. I want to come home and crawl into bed.
But I can't. I am trying to get my resume together. Any of you work with a remarkable job coach you can suggest? I am in need of creativity with knowledge of technology-- input is welcome.
So as long as I can, I am working in parallel-- which is necessary-- trying to stay as long as I can while looking for work. But I do not know how to take care of my emotional safety. I don't have a thick skin, and find myself near tears much of the time. So as my dear friend Jane used to say, I am going in tomorrow wearing the emotional equivalent of kevlar underoos, and I sure hope I do better with self protection than I did during the disaster that was last week.
On much more positive notes, I am lying here with my feet on my sister who is reading aloud to her youngest (such a Treat, there is almost nothing I love more than being read to), and today marks week 26 of this amazing journey. The baby has been moving wildly between times of rest. I am feeling SO LUCKY even when folks tell me I am mammoth. I am so lucky. And mammoth. But lucky is winning even if it is not quite as noticeable from 100 yards.
And tomorrow my darlin' is home to share the evening with me.
I wish I could just revel in the good stuff, and trust me, I will try.
My next journaling workshop is starting August 13th-- please pass the word! The last one was awesome.