19 October 2009

babble

Today as I drove to work, I drove out of snow covered trees into autumn colors and bare ground within a few miles. It was so odd-- a rewind to fall.

And I drove home in the dark tonight- I stayed late at work against the things I know (I know better, should have been home, was done and tired and done in). These days the sun sets so early... It was no longer twilight, it was nighttime at 7:30.

As I crossed over the mountain, the sky cleared of the blanket of low clouds, and stars came out-- which feels magical always. Moonless nights like this one, when the clouds clear away, I imagine standing outside seeking the tease of the seven sisters in the eastern sky, only visible when I look off to one side. The cluster of stars disappear when I look right at it. I do not care that I know the physiological/foveal *why*, it always fills me with wonder anyway, and I love to feel my eyes fight my knowledge: do not look if you want to see. Cross purposes of instinct and wisdom borne from experience.

My temperature on its way up today, so I ovulated, which is grand. So now we will just need to wait and see.

Diversion? Plentiful. A very busy work week, busy evenings (acupuncture, writing, yoga), a busy weekend (haircut, visit with a friend, trip to my sister's, my grandma's 90th birthday party), and then a trip next monday to southern california- for a several days at a tradeshow with my boss-- so, alas, no time to play otherwise I would try to see you (Joannah) who are near by. Then home via colorado to see my dad for the weekend. So, really? this week will go by quickly, and next week will too. And then I will be back and see how this turns out and what happens next.

How do I feel? Realistic I guess, not doomed which is good, aware of the outside chance. I miss optimism. I look forward to being surprised by something very very good, or moving on to a SUCCESSFUL medicated cycle.

12 comments:

sprogblogger said...

I, too, am hoping for something very very good for you, my friend.

Mad Hatter said...

Here's to your busy 2WW, dear lady! To the weird, wonderful, wonky, wacky, wishful, wandering wonderment that can happen in those 14 days! Know that I am thinking magical thoughts for you!
Love,
Maddy

Michele said...

saying a prayer and asking the universe to grant this wish...

Kim said...

sounds like you have a great couple weeks coming up to distract you during your wait. best of luck to you!

just me, dawn said...

your posts are always beautiful. I love that you are not feeling doomed, I also wish with all my heart that something very very good happens to you or for you.

irrationalexuberance said...

I hope you enjoy your diversions and that they are fun and full of laughter. I am wishing you can reclaim the gift of hope and optimism, and wishing for all good things to come to you.

Nic said...

Pleased you will have a busy 2ww, it will fly by. Really hoping you get your BFP. Everything crossed for you
x

K said...

Happy you are not doomed. Enjoy sunny So Cal. The sun does amazing things for me and my body...hope it will for you too.

IVF 40+ said...

Enjoy your trips and diversions. Breath, smile and wonder.
EB

Grade A said...

Sending you warm wishes for good news very soon.

fondly,
Mags

Mo and Will said...

Ah Kate, you sound so grounded. It's inspiring. Wishing you all good things.

Mo

Phoebe said...

If you have time while you are in Colorado, let's get together. E-mail me at phoebephoenixtales at gmail dot com