Today as I drove to work, I drove out of snow covered trees into autumn colors and bare ground within a few miles. It was so odd-- a rewind to fall.
And I drove home in the dark tonight- I stayed late at work against the things I know (I know better, should have been home, was done and tired and done in). These days the sun sets so early... It was no longer twilight, it was nighttime at 7:30.
As I crossed over the mountain, the sky cleared of the blanket of low clouds, and stars came out-- which feels magical always. Moonless nights like this one, when the clouds clear away, I imagine standing outside seeking the tease of the seven sisters in the eastern sky, only visible when I look off to one side. The cluster of stars disappear when I look right at it. I do not care that I know the physiological/foveal *why*, it always fills me with wonder anyway, and I love to feel my eyes fight my knowledge: do not look if you want to see. Cross purposes of instinct and wisdom borne from experience.
My temperature on its way up today, so I ovulated, which is grand. So now we will just need to wait and see.
Diversion? Plentiful. A very busy work week, busy evenings (acupuncture, writing, yoga), a busy weekend (haircut, visit with a friend, trip to my sister's, my grandma's 90th birthday party), and then a trip next monday to southern california- for a several days at a tradeshow with my boss-- so, alas, no time to play otherwise I would try to see you (Joannah) who are near by. Then home via colorado to see my dad for the weekend. So, really? this week will go by quickly, and next week will too. And then I will be back and see how this turns out and what happens next.
How do I feel? Realistic I guess, not doomed which is good, aware of the outside chance. I miss optimism. I look forward to being surprised by something very very good, or moving on to a SUCCESSFUL medicated cycle.