12 October 2009

yeah, no

Alas, the cyst persists, so no IVF, no stims this month.

and rumor has it they want me to take the month off
really off
not just IUI instead of IVF off
but off off. Like no IUI and "don't try this at home" off. I will know more tomorrow after the nurse has a chance to talk once again to the doc (they had a broken cell phone conversation so detail is lacking).

How can I make this something good?
a vacation from progesterone suppositories? from the 2WW? from the ovulation predictor pee sticks from hell?
a month to pay off a tiny bit of debt rather than rack up huge new debt (ignoring the meds I just bought)?
is there some way to look at this that will make it ok or does it/will it just feel like shit?

I can look at it as a balancing month.
Yeah, that could be it.

I wish I could give myself permission to stop taking the DHEA but I can't.

My mood? tender, with a touch of defeat.

17 comments:

Rain Child said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I hope you can use this month to rest and enjoy yourself! Happy Fall!

Kim said...

i'm in cyst hell right with you. so sorry it screwed your cycling this month. it's a huge letdown and there is no way around it.

my ob/gyn said mine wasn't big enough to cut me open for and are hoping a couple more weeks of bcp's will help shrink it.

i know it is easier said than done, but try to enjoy the break this month. hopefully time flies for you.

meinsideout said...

I am sorry, that sucks.

Mad Hatter said...

I'm really sorry about your cyst. I'm not quite clear on how they went from trying to do everything possible to help you to now potentially telling you to take a break...Baffling.
I think you need to do what your gut says, even if they don't agree. If you want an IUI, demand an IUI. If you want to try naturally, try naturally. If you want to take a balancing month and rest, go right ahead. I wouldn't stop taking the DHEA, either - it is accumulative, so you want to keep it in your system for the next cycle, right? Sending you a big hug and a big tub of virtual ice cream because neither of us can have the real kind! :-)
Love,
Maddy

Sprogblogger said...

Oh no. I am so sorry, sweetie. Goddamn it all, can't someone around here catch a break for a change?

Um, to hell with not trying naturally, though. Have they explained this to you? Because it seems a bit of a sea change.

Thinking of you. Wishing this were different because really? This just sucks.

Shelley said...

I'm right there with you on the cyst thing, too. It just sucks.

Sorry you have to go through this.

Pundelina said...

Oh TenderKate, I am so sorry that they want you to stop for a cycle and that you don't really want to. I have to say that although I resent the time off between stims, I actually find it wonderfully refreshing. I hope you find it the same.

There's something for you over my way.

:o)

irrationalexuberance said...

Aw shit, Kate -- this just sucks. I'm sorry that the cyst is persisting, and that it is screwing up cycle plans. If you can look at it as a month off to re-center yourself after the meds and timing stress, maybe it does have an up-side?
Again, very sorry.

Nic said...

I am so sorry, it sucks. Sorry the cyst is still there and sorry you have to take a month off. Being on a break is shit but it helps to get the mind straight.
Take care x

Illanare said...

I'm sorry, that really sucks :-(

K said...

You're absolutely right...as you always are. There are lots of "goods" to come from the month off. Progesterone is one. Any variety of things resembling different sticks to pee on is another. As is the ability to try to unburden the finances some (rather than add to). And balancing is absolutely a must. Take some time to enjoy things dear to your heart. Things that have maybe been forgotten about or saved up to do "later" when you weren't so busy with this shit that is IF. Find those things in life that give you true honest joy and hold them dear. All month long.

Phoebe said...

Perhaps you can see it as a "getting your eggs ready" month? Maybe not doing anything is doing something? And what the hey, trying on your own is free, right? Hugs to you!!

Michele said...

damn
damn, damn, damn

I can imagine how you are feeling about taking them month off. Well, I can imagine how I would feel. And it wouldnt be good.

I am sorry, Kate. I know you really wanted better news- I wanted it for you. Maybe Phoebe has the right idea and this could be the "getting your eggs ready" month? So then, you arent really "off" just resting...

Sending a big hug...

musicmakermomma said...

So sorry Kate, it is frustrating when you are trying so hard and your body doesn't cooperate! Are they thinking the cyst will just go away in your month off? I hope so, but if they want to aspirate it let me tell you it is no big deal; I did it my first cycle with a huge estrogen producing cyst and it took maybe a minute, I drove home after and it was great.

Taking the month off, even with DHEA, surely has some good things about it - the tiny silver lining in your big black cloud of WAITING FOREVER. Hopefully you can lay off most of the meds, and maybe you can eat/drink some things you haven't been; exercise? and certainly less expense (THIS month, to save up for NEXT month!) Best of luck, hon. I'm thinking of you.

IF Optimist, then... said...

That really sucks and makes me angry. Cysts are the work of the devil. Don't forget there is always the option of "the good old fashion way" to get pregnant and hey, that beats this other shit any day of the week. Get your OV peesticks, get your darlin' and saddle up for a wild ride.

Billy said...

I am so sorry. That totally sucks.
~hugs~

linda said...

Ask your doctor to aspirate the cyst?