22 December 2009

10pm

Gosh, 10 already, I feel like I blinked and here it is, late, night, time for bed.
I moved an inch today, called boston IVF, called to see if I can just get the testing done we talked about back in August when I met with Dr Oskowitz, their doc who specializes in older mom wannabes such as myself.

So, I called, left a message.

Several hours later they called back- kind but not warm, and yes, they found my file and oh, my referral ran out friday. So, I needed a new referral. And, as such, I need to make another appointment for another consultation. Which is fair but annoying since, gosh, friday?? But I was barely ready to call today. So, waiting is ok. (waiting is ok, waiting is ok, waiting is ok, waiting is ok...)

So, I have a new referral, they will call with an appointment time and day sometime for mid January. My next cycle starts this weekend. But it will come and go, no tests. That's ok, but I was kind of hoping I could sneak up on this.

Why Boston IVF? you folks have all been wonderful with suggestions, and Boston IVF was in the running for the top 3 and a place I'd already made contact with and been examined at... So I figured I would start there. Next will be Fertility Centers of New England.

So one inch forward, some more waiting, and some time for breathing. If I look at this the right way, I will have a few moments between now and then when this is not the first thing I think of each time I wake in the middle of the night, the first thing I think of in the morning, or when I pause or stumble... I want a break, even if for a little while, but I also want so much to be on the other side of this.

Sending weblove to Sarah at Dreams and false alarms for her shitty recent loss, and for Illanare for hers, and sending love to Sprogblogger as she is on the cusp of her IT WILL BE SUCCESSFUL transfer, and to Traci and her monsters, love to Nic who is healing and Mo who is on the cusp of a CCRM adventure and Elizabeth whose days are filled with love and uncertainty and K with her two and Dawn and her one and Beth who I will meet sometime soon I hope and Kate who is impatient and Kate who is sunflowering and Melissa and Michele and Phoebe and Eileen and Billy and Jules and Jem and t and Elle and Onward, and Backseat, and Whatif and one pink line, and Pundelina, and Maredsous (missing you!) and bb and Meinsideout, and Joannah, April, Sarah, Sassy and Serenity,Megan and Jenn (miss you and hope you are healing!) and Maddy and EB, music maker and Magsy and scifi, and future mom, and Amber and Dirk.... all of you I wish I could read more often...and I hope to catch up soon.

And to all of you who stopped in to offer suggestions and to let me know who you are-- sharing three little words-- how wonderful and heartfilling! Thank you so much for playing along.

Kate, tired but hopeful, resilient when not falling apart, ready, waiting.


13 comments:

Mad Hatter said...

I am so glad you called Boston, and that you are following your heart with this. (Seriously, though, it ran out FRIDAY and they couldn't...? Grrrrrr)
Thank you so much for the weblove. ;-)
Right back atcha, sister!
Love,
Maddy

Eileen said...

YAY!!! You are going to Boston IVF. Are you going to Waltham clinic? Waltham holds a special place in my heart since I grew up there. I hope they will have fabulous ideas for a magical protocol and that 2010 be much kinder to both of us. Hopefully next Christmas we will both need an extra stocking for the fieplace. Good luck! Good luck! Good luck!

Phoebe said...

Waiting is ok. At least that's the nice thing about DE. No race against time. But yeah, it sucks to have to jump through more hoops. I'm taking my hoop jumping hiatus until after the holidays!

sarah said...

Thanks for the shout out. Every little bit helps.
Some of my best times, my clearest times, have been 'in between' when I can just be 'in between'.
I hope you ahve some of those moments.

IF Optimist, then... said...

I just had to say that I love and admire you more every day. You are smart and warm and fabulous and remarkable. Good job at moving an inch, every inch forward takes you to the top of the mountain.

sprogblogger said...

I am glad you are able to move forward, though sorry it's through stupid bureaucratic hoops. Friday? Seriously? Grrrr. You're handling the hassle more graciously than I would have.

I'm glad you're getting a little break, and glad that you have a direction to take when it's time to take it.

Thank you for your good wishes, I'm hoping that each of our next steps are the next-to-the-last steps we have to take on this dumb-ass journey that stopped being a sightseeing tour and started being a slog a long time ago. (Playdates. I dreamed a long time ago that you and I somehow managed to have twins (dream logic, you know) who loved to play with each other, and I'm not giving up on that dream.)

Thinking of you. Hoping for a few nice moments for you in the next few weeks.

just me, dawn said...

a step forward is such a tough thing, and you do it with grace despite the roadblock of the new referral and consult needed, your writing always leaves me a little breathless like , walking outside on a beautiful sunny but cold cold day. sending you much weblove back to you, may the new year bring a break and a break through.

Megan said...

Best of luck in Boston. I have always loved that town.

Sarah said...

it is at least nice to have a plan, right? makes the waiting a bit easier. hope you find some warm and cozy over the holidays.

K said...

Moving forward, one day at a time...and moving on to Boston sounds like a positively great idea. Although I'm sorry you have to play the bureaucratic bullshit with the paperwork. Another referral? C'mon. Merry Christmas, dear.

Kate said...

I can't believe they're making you refer again over 5 measly days. Grr. Glad you won't have to wait too long though, and hope you can have a relaxing cycle over Xmas without thinking too too much about all of this.
In case I don't get on much over the holidays, best of luck with the waiting and resiliancy! And Happy Holidays!

Michele said...

sending love your way! :)

one inch... that is a step forward... and sometimes that step is all we can and need to take for the day.

meinsideout said...

Good for you - and I am sorry too about the nightmare that is referrals and scheduling and all of that bullshit.