13 August 2010

momentary panic

I peed, I wiped, I looked and there was a little blood. I wiped again, a little blood. really, truly, a small amount. But some is not none and I freaked out.
I called my Dr, but they were still on lunch break. I called my sister and had her talk peacefully to me while I waited.
I called again and got a great nurse-- told her the situation including the fact that I was freaking out. Including the fact that after yesterday's all day elbow extravaganza, the baby had been quite quiet today (finally moved a lot once I lay down)... she asked all the right questions, asked them quickly, and told me she'd run it past the doc and they'd call me back. 2 minutes later a doc called back--the same doc I spoke with during the contraction-o-rama of a month ago. She said to not be alarmed, that it was "not uncommon", and that most likely by tomorrow it would be gone. She went over things to watch for/worry about (increased blood, contractions, etc..). And (thankfully) only once since then has there been anything on the TP, but gosh darn....

I've written to a few of my posse these past few days about how, even in the face of apparent success, The Fear is never far. The distance to jump toward the assumption of calamity is always shorter than the jump toward any presumption of normalcy.
I'm ok, just sorry to discover how thin my skin is (literally most likely as well as figuratively).
I like to think I am strong and resilient, but really? I am just so scared that even this far along, Something Bad Will Happen.

So yeah, that crinkling sound is me, breathing into a bag.
All is well.

13 comments:

Grade A said...

I despise that fear...all women deserve a rainbows and unicorns pregnancy! I'd even take that morning sickness, the discomfort...all that eecch IF only we wouldn't have to worry. We have 18+ years to worry once that little one is out, universe!!! Give us a break!

There. Now maybe the universe will give you a break. I am sorry for your scare, dear Kate. Sending you warm thoughts and all is well vibes.

Take good care.
Mags

meinsideout said...

well shi* fuc& dam% I wish that you did not have to deal with any spotting - you have been through ENOUGH. That being said, I spotted here and there throughout the pregnancy with sugar and spice. Hope that helps. ((HUGS))

B. said...

Yikes! I'm thankful it was "nothing," but sorry to hear you had a scare. I know we're not supposed to say that our love for our children is greater because of the trials we faced in creating them, and therefore our loss would be deeper if something terrible happened, but... there was never a time in my pregnancy when the fear completely disappeared. I spent a lot of time ignoring it, though. I hope you have no more scares and consistent movement from your munchkin so you can spend the rest of your pregnancy ignoring the fear and reveling in being a MOM.

It gives me goosebumps still... Kate's a MOM! (I believe that starts as soon as you learn you're pregnant) YAY!

Kate said...

Well huge hugs are in order. I hope it settles down quickly.
I can't remember any more - do you have a low-lying or placenta previa?
wish you weren't having to deal with this. But remember that you're past 28 weeks, which is a huge huge milestone.

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

Hon, you just sound like the occasional bleeder, just like me. It sucks and it's scary, but it's one of our quirks. Remember that there is a TON of extra blood in your body these days, especially around your uterus and cervix and it doesn't take a whole lot to disrupt some. Heck, I bled all over my sheets a couple of weeks ago from the tiniest nick on my arm, of all places. I know it's impossible not to worry, but as long as it doesn't get worse and baby keeps moving around, it sounds like it's nothing. {{{HUGS}}}

Sprogblogger's mom said...

Oh Dear Kate,
So sorry you had such a scare. I know that word is way too mild for the what you actually experienced. I think 'terror' is likely closer to what you actually feel when anything happens that is out of the ordinary.
I know that you and I have differing ideas on things 'spiritual' but I hope it is OK with you when I remember you, your guy and your little one in my prayers as I do the same with SB, her Boy and Thor. You, dear Kate, have been very special to me ever since reading your compassionate and loving comments to SB when she was experiencing loss after loss. When I am on the other side of the country and my daughter is hurting, knowing she was tied into such a wonderful group of women, and especially a wonderful Kate...your comments comforted SB and also her mom. Thank you, Dear Kate.
Blessings and Love, Sarah

Circus Princess said...

Scary! I'm glad you and your little one are doing good. Sending big hugs your way!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. But let me tell you that the same thing happened to me 6 weeks ago and then again 2 weeks ago. Bright red both times - though more of it the first time!!! I called and my nurse said the same thing as yours. It happened only once the first time and twice the second time but that was it. Both times I put my feet up and did not move for the rest of the day. The doc said it could be caused by the intense heat or too much walking around or both.

I know what you mean by fear. It is ever present for me. I have done nothing but run to the bathroom and stare at the tp since then. Just put your feet up and relax and hopefully, this will not happen again for you.

takingbabysteps

It is what it is said...

In addition to all that everyone has reminded you of and cautioned you about, I have to ask, delicately, if you think the blood, in fact, was coming from your v-jayjay. Often times, during pregnancy, a hemorrhoid, that you may not even know you have, can bleed. And it is a swipe of blood, on TP.

So, I'm just putting it out there...

Joannah said...

That would scare me, too! I'm glad it's not uncommon. Take it easy!

Jamie said...

Oh, Kate.
That sounds so scary.
Keep breathing....

sprogblogger said...

Oh how scary - I'm so sorry you aren't getting a break from the fear (but glad that the little one decided to dance for you again once you laid down!) Breathe deeply, concentrate on the good, and know how very many people you have pulling for you three.

Thinking of you!

Searching for Serenity said...

ugh, how terrifbly frightening that must have been for you.

Fear is always knocking on the door. Waiting and ready to come it. I despise uninvited guests.

Thinking of you that the calm and quiet continues for another 10 weeks or so.