30 August 2010

week 31

Me, today.
Holy big belly batman.

A nice long luscious weekend of sisterlove and she took this photo before we parted this morning.

Our second opinion on The Scary Thing is coming thursday morning. OH how I have enjoyed this break in the panic. The baby has been moving like crazy in spite of the tight quarters. So that has been wonderfully reassuring. I am hoping/expecting Dr. reassurance. I am cautiously optimistic.

Remember my hike? One evening, my sister and I walked down the road to the trail head, then up a few yards, then a few more.
Then the next day, we did it again with my nephew, this time going a few more yards, then a few more -- up to where I could imagine the birch across the path, the curve to where the trail runs along the first stone wall, up to where the woods open and the hill falls away.
Oh to smell the leaves and pines and dirt and the familiar feel of the trail. I imagine myself, baby strapped on, walking slowing up that hill. First to the rock. Then, maybe the next day, to the bent tree. Or where the cabin used to be. Or to the fallen birch.
I imagine it viscerally. There will be leaves down, and naked trees, and the smell of wood smoke, and there will be early dark...

I miss my own rhythms, my own self soothing, my ability to get out in it and MOVE.
I know that with this wonderful gift I am growing, I lose things. I lose autonomy. I lose the ability to maintain my level of self centeredness. I will lose nights of sleep (already beginning and I know I don't know anything yet). But I also know there are such unexpected gains. And some expected too-
simple things: to have to hike slowly, to pause to breathe, to have time while breathing to really look around and not just hike past and through, eye on the prize of heart rate, not tree bark.
In this slower pace, I am seeing things again. And I am grateful.


Wildwords said...

You look Maahvahlous Daarling!!
Jim and I did that trail a few weeks back and I saw a moose. My first ever hiking moose spotting. Must be a portend of good, good things to come for everyone living nearby..
Take care of you

sprogblogger said...

You look fantastic. Hoping for all good things from second opinion appointment, and yes, a tradeoff, but I'll bet this little one will be a marvelous hiking companion in a few years - and it won't be like hiking by yourself, and it won't be like hiking while huge, it'll be a whole new kind of wonderfulness.

Which is exactly what you deserve.

Thinking of you.

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karen alonge said...

you look so round and radiant - like a goddess, truly. I want to pat your belly. what a beautiful miracle!

Circus Princess said...

I love how you put such simple things into almost poetry, and you look adorable :)
Hope the doc is able to put your mind at ease.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Looking so lovely. Good luck on Thursday (well, every day, really).

IVF 40+ said...

you look wonderful! glowing.

IF Optimist, then... said...

Seeing you smiling and radiant and round gives me soooo much intense joy. I am sitting here with a silly grin on my face. Going on a stroll with your little one will come quickly (MrBeep and I each have a moby wrap) and you will get to feel their heat across your chest and belly, you will hear their sighs and chitters and sleepy giggles. You will feel their little heartbeat next to yours. It is enough to overwhelm your senses and make you swoon. Knowing you will have this in a few more months also makes me very very happy. Sending love and good thoughts and all the happy, healthy juju I have on the east wind. XOXO - Traci

Michele said...

You look GREAT!!!!

B. said...

... and seeing everything through your baby's eyes, for the first time. The world is an incredibly wonderous and wonderful place. With no mountains to climb in my neighborhood, we walk to the ocean quite often and I love seeing her reaction to waves and birds and wind.
I'm still so happy for you that every time I remind myself that you're pregnant, I still get goosebumps.
You're beautiful! My SIL's would think you're going to have a baby girl because your belly is low and round. That's what they said about mine, and their prediction was correct.

Somethingtogrow said...

How lovely! And you look absolutely radiant.

Grade A said...

You look beautiful, dear Kate. I'm so excited for you.

Kate said...

So glad all's well!

KathyB said...

Kate - you look radiant. Good luck on Thursday.
xo, KathyB

t said...

you look flipping adorable! congratulations!

Nic said...

You look amazing!!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful photo & beautiful post. It's inspiring to see you take things as they come, with gratitude & honesty. Your hiking-with-baby imaginings are lovely & palpable. Enjoy every moment, imagined or "real".


What IF? said...

This post just makes me want to give you a huge bear hug around that gorgeous belly of yours. You look phenomenal. Pregnancy really does suit you.

Yes, there are many compromises to be made and despite all the longing to get here, and how grateful you are to have made it to 31 weeks, you do not have to forfeit the right to complain. Seriously - have at it.

The infant stage sucks at times, but it truly is also the most incredible metamorphosis to witness in your baby, and to experience as you become a mother.

You are so close. Hang in there with the increasing discomforts and worries.

Lauren said...

Kate you are glowing. Gorgeous.

K said...

Great pic.....soooo happy for you.