26 September 2009

in between

In the classic way of the mid 2ww, I feel very inbetween
I've just started having some occasional vague sensations of full-ish-ness, some cramping when I sneeze or turn too abruptly, but most of the time, just tired from the progesterone, worried about the travel, thinking about peeing on a stick alone in a hotel room a million miles from home and weighing that against watching my temp drop or starting to bleed.
I leave later today, will be gone until next friday night, next friday when my period would be due.

I will pee on a stick, I know it. I am bringing 3. But I will wait until thursday night when I am done since I have to be functional for work with clients I do not know.

As an introvert, 4 days of needing to be "on" full time is always a stretch, always hard to imagine and do. Nights pass in a blink, days go slowly. My voice starts to warble by midafternoon on the first day. I deplete and by the third day I am dragging. I would be better with 2 days or a day off in the middle to recharge.
so yeah, the travel is just travel, but the content, the needing to be on, that is what I am dreading.

I so much want this to work, want to feel the magic again. I want to revel in it, feel swamped by the wonder of it. Do more energy work to stay calm this time.

t of a little bit of something had her twins on thursday!
billy of my pathway to motherhood just got a bit big fat wonderful fabulous positive

I am trying to catch up with all of you, I can now get wordpress from home! whoo hoo! damn router setting blah blah.... but now I am heading away so I will be farther behind.

depending on my level of connection at the hotel, you may hear from me sometimes or not at all. but I'll be back for my beta, period or not, in one week and you sure as heck will hear from me then.


Sprogblogger said...

Thinking of you and hoping for wonderful things.

Sarah said...

Good luck Kate, I hope the trip turns out to be more restful than expected

karen alonge said...

sending some extra love to tuck in your suitcase.

Illanare said...

Keeping all possible digits crossed for you

Billy said...

Hope you have a good trip, with the best yet to come at th end!

And thanks for the mention :-).

Michele said...

Fingers are still tightly crossed! Sending you vibes for a good trip and a great POAS experience!

IF Optimist, then... said...

Sorry that you have to be "on" all the time, but sending you a big "YOU CAN DO IT!" and "I believe in you" to get you through the day. I'm sorry that the timing of peesticking sucks, but maybe your travels will put you in a place to find some new and special magic.

Phoebe said...

You go girl, you and your embies! Wishing the best for you!