heartwork

Yup, that's the logo I came up with for my new adventure, and I must say I am pretty psyched. Spent some time last night getting notes together, gathering the ideas that have been flying around inside my head, starting to think about a place-holder website-- this new project feels good. Feels like heart work. Stay tuned for more.

Week 19 starts today, can you believe it? We have the big ultrasound tomorrow (anatomy)-- again, I hope we do not find out the gender but I know it could happen. I am trying to be ok with knowing. So odd-- I am usually much better knowing than not, but in this case? I wanted to keep it mysterious for a while longer, until, say, late October.

Movements have been so much fun, so magical. By far the best part of this whole journey up until now (since the positive tests which still win).

I've gained 5 lbs, and am very happy to have no chance at all of holding in my stomach, and no way to worry about belly fat or whatever-- my body is doing what it needs to to accommodate for this amazing being, and I am humbled by the entire experience. I watch my body change with a mixture of awe and trepidation-- good lord, how big will I get? holy crap, I am already big. Big enough so people are surprised when I tell them I am due in October.And, like most women, I worry about stretch marks. But I also know that what will be will be.

I am both vain and zen. More vain, admittedly, but a wee bit zen.

Sleep is intermittent, so I am AWAKE at 4am and tired to the bone at 7...

My back aches sometimes, but nothing horrible.

I am stiff when I move after some time of stillness.

I just made plans to visit my dad in Denver for a brief weekend in early July- very very happy about this, and I planned a trip with stops so I can get up and walk.

No other complaints at all-I am so very lucky.

A lot of stuff is weird, unfamiliar, odd, but all very dealable.

Tomorrow too is The Conversation at work- boss+office manager (HR person)+me.

I dread it, and am trying to figure out how to go in with my emotional guard up and firmly in place.

Just found out we need a new roof. And the realtor today confirmed what I suspected- that the house, in this economic situation, is worth considerably less than I owe. I love the house and do not want to leave it, and now-- knowing that our only option is a short sale, well, we'll do all we can to keep it.

Rental would cover less than half of the mortgage so that is not an option either.

Looking ahead to all of the good things, and trying very hard not to get discouraged by the tough stuff right now. Sometimes, sometimes I succeed.