20 June 2010

solstice, 21 weeks today

Contractions today, enough to scare me. 4 in one hour this evening as I was driving home from a wondrous if brief festival of sisterLove. Enough to have me talk with the OB on call (who, I kid you not, called back in 2 minutes, huzzah!)-- and enough to have me lying on my side, typing awkwardly, but reveling in no contractions now for two hours plus....

I'd like to say this about contractions-- they are so incredibly bizarre- an interior hardening, pulling inward, a sudden impenetrable bowling ball sort of solidity, pulling in and up on all of that stuff that, at least on me, does NOT want to be pulled.

Back pain sometimes, kidney pain sometimes as a bonus... and it sucks to have to drink so much water since the contractions happen more often when I have to pee and my bladder is full.
Clearly, I need to learn to stop and lie down. Drinking more water does not do it alone-- water in some ways makes it worse (see previous point), but I need to give myself permission to stop. Lie down. Relax. Oh this is very very hard for me. Feels like slacking.

I've been having contractions sporadically since the big low-down down-low pressure event of 6/10, but I did not realize it. My stomach is, indeed, mammoth, but most of the outer layers are displaced guts, fat, organs...not baby, not uterus. Not yet. So this is quite an internal experience. Discomfort, sure-- but I have had such multifaceted discomfort of late it was impossible for me to know what was what.
But now? now I know.

The OB told me the sporadic contractions are normal and not alarming (I scoff and retain my right to defcon 3 and even possibly defcon 2 alarmedness), apparently the ones that cluster are the ones that are worrisome. So I will remember to use the tools at my disposal, PERMISSION TO LIE DOWN.
Gosh kate, you can do this.
Doctor's orders.


I told Sarah, my beloved sister, that I fight with every iota of my being the medicalization/disability mentality of pregnancy as a medical condition, rather than a natural process, blah blah blah (this, with every hint of major irony from a chick knocked up via no natural process whatsoever), and I want to show (who?) that I can still DO EVERYTHING NORMALLY. This, of course, is total bullshit. I, for example, can no longer bend at the waist. BUT I want to. I want to try. I want to do. I want to drive long distances, sit in labs all day, stay upright. I want to show (who?) that I am not even remotely disabled by this, and am perfectly capable of carrying on as if I am ready for anything. Enter reality, stage right. Reality: Tough shit katekate. Suck it up.

Lightning bug on my windowsill right now.
Pardon me while I go revel in the magic of baby movements and lightning bugs.
Oh, yeah, and suck it up.

5 comments:

Kate said...

Here's hoping your contractions are just as inefective as the ones that had me scared for months were. Hope te doc checks your cervical length soon for added reassurance that they're not doing anything.

Michele said...

Terrifying! I can sympathize! Drink lots of water (even though it sucks) and YES, LIE DOWN!!! You have permission to be extra kind to yourself!

IVF 40+ said...

the best thing my doctor has said to me is " don't be a lazy pregnant women, you have to work hard at this for it to be a healthy pregnancy; resting, eating well, sleeping long nights, naps, these are all requirements, they don't just happen, you have to make all this happen"

So, I see my pregnancy as training (discipline, I suppose) which helps with all the laying around and resisting the bad foods etc.

hope this helps.

Grade A said...

I was the same way in September...go go go. Back to school. Look at me run up theses stairs. Um...sooo silly. I would like to remind you that I started having major contractions (week 35) and the OB/GYN on call said, " you wouldn't believe how many pregnant teachers I have seen in the ER this week- back at school and running around ..."

Just take it easy, dear Kate.

Ahem. You got nothin' to prove to nobody.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Resting couldn't be farther from slacking. It is very hard work, trust me!

Hope you can figure out some good ways to occupy yourself sideways. :)