So, yeah, 4.
YES people, 4 is more than 0! so I celebrate that. truly, I am relieved. It was my#1 nightmare, my first psychological hurdle. I woke to them saying they got eggs. I fantasized, how many? i wondered, I had all those big follicles, and often they retrieve more than expected, so maybe there's many.... 8? (she laughs now, ruefully).
then, when they came by and said 4, I felt stunned and felt my heart sink fast. Why just 4? I have huge E2, more must have been in there.
Please do not get me wrong, I am glad it was not 0. but I am also fighting tears (fucking anesthesia) because I am so worried with so few to work with, what the fert report will be.
I do not yet know how many are mature
that tiny number scares me in terms of normal attrition of maturity and fert rate. I will get a call tomorrow afternoon with the details and I feel like I am on some cosmic hook of yes but.
but coming out of tomorrow, let's imagine 3 or 4, I will be ok.
even if there's 1, I promise, I will try to be ok.
I came home and slept 3 hours. Feel like I am at the end of a tunnel from the post-op dislocation.
I'm too tired to stay and write about the things that feed my soul. Each word is a typo. Hope for home.