23 February 2010

tomorrow

Me? I am rocking and humming and praying.
I am not sleeping much
worried of course
also knowing there is not one damn thing I can do about any little bit of it.
This sucks for my control freaky self.
Must.do.something.
So I am loving your notes and congratulations THANK YOU SO MUCH! It is helping me think good thoughts.
But I have to admit, in some ways, I feel like it is not quite real, and what if something happens and my numbers suck tomorrow or...
yeah. Like I'll be exposed as a charlatan. What a crazy thing.
fun things to amuse myself at 5am.

No doc appointment until after we know the number tomorrow- then, it will either be a WTF (hope not) or an ultrasound. GULP.
Of the two, please let me have the chance to worry about the ultrasound. Please please please.

Found some reassuring stats yesterday-- ignoring my age and my previous loss of course because I have to otherwise I would roll up into a ball.
Rates of miscarriage by week- ha.:
http://www.pregnancyloss.info/info-howcommon.htm weeks 3-6 10%, weeks 6-12 5%, week 12+ 3%
I know, how could this be reassuring?
because I am now in the 10ish% range, again, I am totally ignoring my age. Which I am. And will. And for me, at this moment, 10% is really helpful.

Lalalalala
holy crap.
please please please please please

27 comments:

meinsideout said...

I am voting for u/s - you are a rock star!! I am going full force with the hope here!

maxandzuzu said...

Worrying won't help the situation. Try to stay positive and hang in there! Good luck!

T

Mad Hatter said...

Okay, so let's just look at this for a minute - you have already beaten the odds by being in the 5% that get pregnant, but you're concerned that you won't be in the 97% that gets beyond Week 12?!?!? Lady, lady, lady!!! (insert shaking head and smile)

Of course it's natural to worry right now, my love, but please do try to get some R&R...Hoping that your beta is fantastic tomorrow!!!

Love,
Maddy

Rain Child said...

I hope and pray that things go well tomorrow! I hope you can relax and pamper yourself today.

Jules a.k.a. Julie said...

Sending thoughts for sky high beta! I think everything will be just fine ! :-)

Jules a.k.a. Julie said...

And that's a freaking great 1st beta! Mine was only 68! Hugs!

robin said...

You should make your lalalala into the tune of some silly upbeat song in your head, like "Let's get it Started in Here" or Maddona's Holiday! I'm sure you are just spinning... Breathe and enjoy this day!

K said...

YAY :) So excited for you.

And YES, the odds are in your favor! *hugs*

B. said...

Lalalalala... I'm helping drown out any doubts or worries you've got. I'll be hovering over your blog all day tomorrow, sending you super-doubling vibes. Your first beta blew mine away too!

K said...

For what it's worth, it never really does seem "real". It still feels like it's part of this game we've all played. But...the game gets better at least. :) Wishing the best for tomorrow. We'll all be anxiously awaiting!

IVF 40+ said...

I agree with K. It still doesn't seem too real to me.
Here's hoping for tomorrow. Waiting and hoping right along with you
Eb

kdactyl said...

Okay...I totally understand the worry and the not sleeping! I was exactly the same way (and sadly...it was the prego hormones that caused the insomnia)...ask your dr. about ambien or unisom...both are safe in pregnancy.

But...I was 41 when we got our Hail Mary IVF baby....and our 1st beta was only 128...so you are rocking a nice beginning here and just go with it. Just hang tight for beta #2 and ignore the pee sticks...everyone metabolizes those hormones in their urine differently and those darn lines are not quantitative...just qualitative...so a line is a line...that is all!

I'm so completely excited for you. Been lurking for some time but just had to come out to cheer you on!

kd

Mina said...

I just got my BFP on Sunday, still waiting for Beta results, and can so relate to this post. Thank you for posting the stats, I really needed to see that! Hugs to you, and I hope you'll be able to relax very soon!

karen alonge said...

with you in spirit, where we are baking chocolate chip cookies together (with no egg, dairy or gluten) to help ease the wait. xo

Sprogblogger's Mom said...

Dear Kate you are such a kind brave soul. You encourage all the rest of these wonderful women on their quest for a child. Take a bit if that sweet encouraging spirit for yourself!

Try to focus on the positive because, Kate Dear, you are one very lovely pregnant lady. You are in my prayers each day along with Daughter S. So glad you two are actually going to meet.

Love, Sarah

Pie said...

I'll keep saying pleasepleaseplease right along with you! I think it will be a good number tomorrow - let's focus on that? How about an even 600? New mantra, 600, 600, 600...

Maredsous said...

I think you missed the website that ranked the rate of miscarriage by the starting beta numbers. The higher the beta the lower the probability of miscarriage. I don't remember where I found it, but I will see if I can dig it up. Your number is very strong so I think that puts you in a very good position.

Can't wait to hear about the number tomorrow.

And get some sleep!!!!

babyinterrupted said...

I've been thinking of you so much today. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that good news could come from beta #2. I even freaked myself out by starting to think that my inability to believe good things would, in fact, prevent the good things from happening. Which is complete crap, of course, but the infertility mindf*ck does not let you go just because you have a positive pregnancy test, I guess. So, I am hoping for fantastic numbers tomorrow and absolutely believe that's what will happen.

Megan said...

I predict that everything is going to go beautifully! Best of luck tomorrow.

just me, dawn said...

Kate- i have been away and thus missed your first post but I am so very very very happy to see your first beta!! and I just know the next one will be awesome. I have you in my thoughts :)

sprogblogger said...

Listen to my mom, Kate! Seriously, hang in there - I won't say don't worry, because, well, I'm the queen of worry. But try not to worry too much. I'm thinking you're going to have one seriously wonderful number to dance about tomorrow. Thinking of you and CAN'T WAIT TIL SUNDAY!

Nic said...

I hope you get to worry about your u/s! Keeping everything crossed and hoping for great numbers!
X

What IF? said...

Waiting with you for one excellent, doubling beta and then the u/s. I'm hoping on your behalf with everything I've got. Pleasepleaseplease. *beg*

Eileen said...

I tried to comment yesterday but for some reason it would not go through. Your news made my day! I am so excited for you girl and keeping everything crossed that soon you will telling us all about the fabulous ultrasound appointment. Good luck!

Kate said...

I sure hope that beta #2 is as excellent as beta #1. Personally, I'm kind of thinking there are two in there based on the numbers, which would have been strangely reassuring to me way back when because in my head I had equated twins with extra room for attrition, leaving me with one healthy baby in the end. (Kind of sick, right?)
You've beaten the odds to make it past the first fabulous beta. I hope that you can now ride the odds that are in your favour for a successful pregnancy, bringing you your long-awaited child.

Elizabeth said...

Thinking of you today and especially tomorrow and looking forward to your graduation to the next 2 weeks of worry, and then the next, and then the next 7 months, and then the next 100 years. I worried right up until the very end. It actually got worse (sorry to report that), but it turned out to be good practice for when you actually have the baby. . .. Seriously, hoping for a peaceful night for you and easy travel to the clinic tomorrow, and a beautiful sunrise, and a number well above 600. Love to you,
Elizabeth

linda said...

I am so happy to swing by today and read this. :-) I love seeing women beat the odds...it's my inspiration to keep trying. I hope that your 2nd beta is right where it should be! HIGH!