28 February 2010

Best time ever

First I want to apologize to anyone coming to the blog from the writing workshop this weekend-- I had a great time with so many meaningful and enriching and encouraging and inspiring moments-- and I loved meeting all of you. And I appreciate so much the support and sensitivity each of you showed when I told you of my journey. As you read my blog you will notice that I just found out I am pregnant after this last IVF in the days right before the workshop with my second test results coming as I was getting on the train. Please understand that I was too cautious to announce my pregnancy since it is so incredibly early, insanely early, not time to announce anything other than a fabulous beginning. So please do not feel misled or duped, I was just being careful- so if you are here, please know that it is hard to announce a pregnancy this early no matter what, and especially after a loss.

The workshop by Jen Lee was great. Truly. A very empowering and loving gathering of strong creative women. It will take days to process it all, but I am so glad I was brave enough to attend, and hopeful I have forged some connections that will last into the future. Jen Lee is pure magic, she just is. And I send love and appreciation to her and to the other women in the group, to Fatu and jen Lemen for their wonderful guidance. I feel very spoiled after days of storytelling and listening. I am full.

Speaking of connections,
I just met Sprogblogger and Mo and had the most wonderful time (major understatement). In case you are wondering, yes they are actually That Cool in real life, maybe even cooler. Beautiful, smart (no new news there, I know) and terrific company. How lucky am I?? VERY.

Thank you all so much for your happiness and ruckus making on my behalf. I am just moving outside of the 36 hour window of peace from the fabulous beta, and am relishing each fleeting wave of mini nausea.... tiny ones, here and there. More at night, more with empty belly. Tired and dark circled, my ligaments pull when I turn, and I just hope hope hope all is well in there.

A crinone question with TMI for sure so be warned-- every two or three days I have very copious wet discharge, clear, as if my body is trying to flush something out (sorry dad)--anyone else have this?

Still in NY tonight, back to NH tomorrow-- just feeling very grateful tonight for so many things-- for the pregnancy, for the workshop that was truly wonderful and for all of the stories and love and support and reminders of pieces of myself that I have missed for a long while, for my time with S and Mo, wonderful in every way except too short, my moment right now to be able to thank all of you-- I am so grateful for your support and wild whooping, to my sweet sister Sarah for posting to you while I was away (how cool was that??), and to my dear friend Alyssaa- I am perched on her sofa, at peace and at home in her company. Soon there will be Thai food. All is well.
tiny keyboard, no editing, happy to be able to say hello.

21 comments:

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

So glad you had/are having a great time in my hometown of NYC :). I love that you're still on the beta high - when is your first u/s, a week from Monday?

As for Crinone -- I always had lots of discharge, but it was always creamy/crumbly (gross, I know). The wet discharge you're getting I'd be willing to bet is due to increased estrogen your body is making because of the pregnancy, alot like fertile CM. One more note on the Crinone discharge: do not, I repeat do NOT, panic if, in a few days, that discharge turns brown and crumbly. It very typical for the Crinone that doesn't get absorbed by your body to just kind of sit on your cervix, irritating it, and then get tinged with a little old blood before it comes out. It scared the bejeesus out of me the first few times, but after using Crinone for 4 cycles, I'm used to it now. :)

K said...

Yay still sitting here smiling, so so so so so so happy for you!!!!!!

About the discharge, it could be estrogen, is there a slight ever so slight milky or whitish color? If you're using progesterone supplements it could be your body just cleaning out your systsem. If its foul smelling in any way get it checked out as it could be bacterial vaginosis.

What IF? said...

Wonderful to read about your fabulous weekend, meeting Mo & Sprogblogger, and the amazing workshop. Sounds like the perfect time to be surrounded by people who "get" you and to be occupied by things that make you happy. Sending you much love, peace and continued contentedness to carry you through the scary weeks ahead.

meinsideout said...

I am so glad you are having a good time but that pales in comparison to the absolute joy I am feeling for you in connection with the pregnancy - yes, yes, yes!!!

The first trimester was full of ups and downs as far as anxiety and fear - I always say - just get through it with your mind intact!!

Mad Hatter said...

Happy to hear from you and that you are well and good! Looking forward to more updates this week!
Take the best of care!
Love,
Maddy

Michele said...

Sounds like a great time! I am just soooo happy for you!!!

Kate said...

Glad you had such a fantastic weekend. And that you're getting symptoms.
Looking forward to some good ultrasound results for you soon!

Kara from Chicago said...

So, so happy for you... I have been where you are... I am you. I had my son at 42 after 3 IVF's, a miscarriage and numberous IUI's. I know it can happen for us "over 40" women. I know the joy you are feeling at this moment.... When you go to sleep at night and wake up to go to the bathroom and get to remember you ARE pregnant. That was the best - it doesn't come close to the child hood christmas's, birthdays and vacations to Disney World, but it has to be the greatest thing to wake up to (for the rest of your life).
Congratulations.

Kathy B said...

Kate - So happy to be among the lucky to have spent the weekend with you, and DELIGHTED to hear your news.
I'm am going to start shopping for a very big bowl - and I think you know why . . . .
xox,
Kathy

robin said...

Just another note to say how cool, happy, exciting this is to read about. How neat you met Mo and Sprogblogger on such a special weekend for you. Congratulations and "enjoy" managing your pg symptoms!

Searching for Serenity said...

Sounds like you had a delightful weekend.

Yes, yes, yes. Discharge. Plenty of it my entire pregnancy. Gotta love hormornes doing overtime. I second what K says, if it has an odor, get it checked out.

Kate said...

This is tremendous news! I am thrilled for you, Kate. So glad to have met you this weekend, and to be tuning into your blog at such a moment. Cheers!

Kate (from Brooklyn)

kdactyl said...

Oh...I hated the suppositories...so much so that I changed to the PIO shots....in my opinion...the were easier....I only had to do it once a day and there wasn't much side effect. Just ice before shot and all is good ... no pain, no swelling, no bruises.

So excited for you still. I'm heading in for FET next week at 42 1/2 after my 1st IVF baby at 41....Yay for us over 40 moms....

kd

Lauren said...

DUDE I TOTALLY KNEW IT! Cue shrieking. I just kinda...felt it, but you weren't saying anything and no way in hell was I asking. (Which makes what I said on the steps as we were leaving kind of non-applicable, but in the best kind of way. Yay!)

t said...

just popping in to say how happy i am for you. enjoy every bit of joy. you deserve all of it. every ounce.

Jamie said...

Oh my goodness, Kathy B made me spit coffee out of my nose!

I'm holding you in my prayers, Beautiful Kate.

stef said...

so so happy to have met you and to hear your wonderful news! muchlove bed time friend :)

xoxo

Kristin said...

Still cheering over here, Kate.

love you,
Kristin

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Hooray for all of the happiness.

Hope you have electricity!

Elizabeth said...

Hey Kate -- thinking of you and hoping all is well and that your sitting somewhere warm, drinking tea, and watching the snow. Love,
Elizabeth

sprogblogger said...

Hey there - just checking in to see what you've decided to do with the US question. Hoping you're well, and dancing every minute of the day. Thinking of you!