258 reasons for happy

I am feeling the love, thank you!!! You are all so very awesome- sorry if any of you felt played, I so did not mean it that way-- it was just how it came out, and also how it came down for me-- that horrible crushing sadness, then, hours later, a reprieve. I peed again last night and the line was darker still. Faint but not as faint and that is a great thing.

My first beta today: 258.
Hot damn
and hot diggity dawg we're definitely pregnant! They called with results before we were even home from the clinic. Received a very nice congratulations from a very nice nurse. She told me my number was good and strong.

This is all very good because I peed on a stick this morning and it was no darker than yesterday's so I went into a decline (aka nosedive) assuming all was lost. (I can easily make myself TOTALLY insane here. Watch me.) So this fine and good number is helping a LOT. And we'll do this again on wednesday to check for appropriate doubling.

I slept about 47 seconds last night, so I really really need to nap.
But I also do not want to miss one moment of this happy stunned giddy holyshit feeling.

Just so you know, especially those who watch themselves closely during the 2ww- symptoms of pregnancy are absent-- tired, yes. And my boobs are sore when I poke them but nothing significantly different. The only remarkable things (now that i know I am pregnant) are that I am crampy and I have the lower ab pulling sensation when I turn over (I've had that for a week and thought i was insane). And I thought I was going to throw up this morning but that was pure pee stick related stress. And a faint fucking line can still mean a fine beta, even with the best FRER test sticks.

I do not think I have ever said Please so many times in my life.
Please let this work, please let this work, please let this work.
Through some miracles, we've made it through the 5% to get this far, now I hope I can make it into the 60% that lets this pregnancy stay.

And I know I cannot say thank you enough to all of you-- thank you for pulling for me, for hoping with me, for supporting me so kindly. Thank you for crying with happiness at this admittedly surprising news. Let's hope this works. I am so ready to be off this ride and onto the next one (preferably with minimal drama).
Thank you all so much. No matter what happens, I cannot tell you what this community means to me. Without you I'd be lost.