09 October 2010

I'm ok

Thank you all for your kindness, understanding and support.
Doug, bless him, made the Jeff stuff vanish (into tubs, into the garage) but upon further reflection, as is common, I realized there was much more going on too that made things more acute: A recent death of a young man, and a psychological revisiting of a lost family home... sometimes grief brings grief, you know? I have my own mythology-- that I am FINE. Sometimes the universe reminds me that yes, I am fine sometimes, but sometimes not so much.

Some Very Good Things:
Three cheers for Mo's transfer (HOPING HOPING HOPING)

I had the most amazingly wonderful time thursday evening- My dear friend Maya Stein held a local writing workshop, and everything about it reminded me of why I love writing, how much I love hearing other people's voices, the special magical power of language and honesty, and how much a heartfelt hug, a direct eye to eye conversation, an open heart, a true and delicious connection -- how much this all feeds me. I left feeling giddy with it all and reminded, once again, of how I love to feel.

OB appointment yesterday--my glucose check, normal pregnant lady stepB swab, and, because of our IVF, a non-stress test... the NST was a treat, 20 minutes listening to that wild thumping...

And today? Since I got up, deep unabating uncomfortable menstrual-like cramping, way low, holy crap uncomfortable, no rhythm but distracting enough so I can barely read. I had tea and fake toast, and am trying to hydrate. Will try some soy yoghurt soon, but sheesh, very uncomfortable.

The doc wants to hear from me if: blood, contractions 5 minutes apart for an hour, any fluid gush or dibble--

this is none of that... this is Other-- this is just holy shit cramps that I cannot calm with position changes.
I know this could be transient and simply pass, or it could last days or weeks.
All I know is Things Are Happening, even if I do not know the time frame.

Excited, not ready, curious, terrified, hopeful....


8 comments:

Nic said...

Pleased you are feeling better but sorry about the cramps. Hope they are nothing to panic about and they ease off.
x

B. said...

As if being 9 months pregnant weren't uncomfortable enough, cramps. I hope they abate soon, and stay gone until they're the real thing and have a purpose. Does it seem at all surreal- every step of making this baby was carefully orchestrated and planned and controlled, but now that you're on the threshold of parenthood, you have absolutely no idea what day will be the one you'll never ever forget. I had a hard time with that and wanted so much to just know. Take care!

Dreams and False Alarms said...

How exciting! Keep us updated, even its just to say, 'nothing happening'

sprogblogger said...

Woohoo for cramps! (You're close enough to full term that I feel comfortable saying that!) You know, even in my pitocin-induced labor-from-hell, contractions felt like period-pains to me. It's getting close, Kate! So excited for you!

Emily Erin said...

Yay for tomorrow being 'full term'-- its getting so very close now!

I'm sorry for the cramps and hope that they either ease off, or ramp up to become something serious.

Lots of good energy being sent your way!

IVF 40+ said...

full term - what sweet words. sending you calming thoughts and deep buckets of hugs
E

Kate said...

Well, if this is it, good luck, and can't to see photos of your beautiful little one!

Joannah said...

You're so close now! I'm glad you're feeling better. I know what you mean about grief leading to grief.

Take it easy and keep us posted! :)