21 October 2010

-10

Hello loved ones-
a short update from a gloomy moody dark thursday morning-- still 2-in-1, some good sleep this morning in spite of crappy work dreams (WHY?? I want to EXCISE work from my dream life).

Leaves are falling outside, so my eyes keep getting drawn to the window. Sometimes it is as if a whole branch-worth has decided to go at once, a vertical Pooh-stick race, everyone Go! and the leaves fall and run in circles and just as quickly settle. Sometimes one falls solo and some look like birds. Some twist, some rock their way down. My motion sensors, my peripheral vision, say LOOK! LOOK! and I do. I can't help it. Each one, each flock calls my attention.

Last night I dreamed of holding dried leaves in my hands, knowing the season was past, knowing that next would be the barren cold of november. I was not ready for the stripped down, bare bones, texture-world before snow, and I felt so sad. Why does it only last a few weeks? I want a fall like summer, 3-4 months, color each day, greedy me. Instead, it is all fast-forward, wild color, peak and fall.

And this year? texture will have a whole new meaning, a different warmth instead of cold, it will be swaddled and held, not bundled up against, and I still
cannot
believe
it.

tomorrow? single digits.
HOLY SHIT.


10 comments:

Emily Erin said...

Beautiful-- a beautiful journey, and a warmth that can't be described, only celebrated. Yay for the life that grows in you and so soon will join you on the outside, where it can be snuggled and nourished and grow in the warmth of your hearth.

Circus Princess said...

Your posts are like poetry. I love. Sigh :)

Mo and Will said...

oh kate, you are so close. and this waiting is so transient, just like the fall, but will lead to a full bloom of life, of your child. so, so exciting.

Mo

Jules a.k.a. Julie said...

You are so close! Very exciting! I can't wait to hear your birth story, Kate!

Kate said...

Hope you don't have to go as far into the + digits as I did! I'm excited to meet your little one. Good luck with the delivery and new-mommyhood (in case I forget to say it later on)

Kristin said...

Sending so much love, Kate! Can hardly believe you're this close.

What IF? said...

Impossible to fathom, this single-digit, getting so close thing, even when you're had your baby in your belly for months and months.

It somehow doesn't truly become real until after you meet your child. While in the OR having my babies, I kept thinking, "Whoa! This is really happening!"

It's such a strange experience of disbelief: to love them, to feel them kick inside, but to not feel like it's REALLY TRULY happening until you can hold them in your arms. I guess it's natural after infertility struggles.

Eileen said...

Praying that everything will go smoothly for you! Can't wait to read your big birth announcement! Good luck!!!

IF Optimist, then... said...

Celeste has decided to wake and keep Mommy company at 4:30 am. Where did sleeping go? She and I are excited for single digits. I shall count off each day on their tiny toes for luck. We'll call it the game, "good wishes for Kate countdown".

Joannah said...

I love the countdown! It's just so very exciting.

I received the doppler. Thank you so much! I haven't used it yet, but am looking forward to doing so. Buffy got into the mail I left on the coffee table a couple days ago and chewed up your sweet note (and a bill, but who cares about that!). Nevertheless, I think I remember your tips for using it.

:)