Miraculously, I am back on line. So,
about the 5. No idea what the measurements are (but all over 10)-- I did not take them down during the ultrasound, and did not ask when they called. E2 616, so I stim through the weekend and have my next ultrasound/E2 on monday morning. I pulled myself back from the brink of... I don't know, not quite despair, but a very discouraged state-- reminded myself I am lucky to have any. Lucky to be responding at all. There are no tricks to pull here, I am on the max dose for my clinic. So this is it. The U/S technician did not mention other follicles so I have no idea if I have more lurking. Saw very few. 2 on one side, 3 on the other. Learned I have one VERY posterior ovary (LOVED the magic wand manipulation to find that one. um. Not). So that should help on monday when they go searching.
Mood-- well, I have learned that getting tired = descending into blue hell. I find myself questioning not just my future, but finding my dreams filled with exes and my heart all knotted up in a wild morass of regrets so stupid and unproductive that it is hard to even talk about it. On clomid I felt such regret and sadness for losses and lost opportunities-- I do not even like brushing up against this feeling. So, after a really nice day with a good friend, and a pretty amazing documentary, I am finding myself blue and on the verge of spiraling and clearly in need of a nap. So, I've got an hour and 15 minutes until I have to do the shot thang. Think I'll take advantage of it.
Thank you all for your kind comments and words of support. I really appreciate it.