09 January 2010

battling urgency

I've been conversing with my magnificent friend Karen about Urgency, that feeling that you have to do something (decide something, invent something, go somewhere, make a change) Right Now.

And it has been an interesting exercise letting that go a little bit. Sort of a hurry up and wait way of transmuting it into something less laden with adrenaline and built-in craziness. And so now, as I feel the RIGHT NOW alarm go off, and I say, Really? Right now? or can I wait a while? Can I breathe first?

And you know what?
it makes room for me to not be totally reactive, totally desperate, both of which work always and forever against my highest and best.

So I am learning to wait. And the transformation is amazing to watch-- ideas/choices/actions that feel critical and obvious end up feeling open to interpretation. I feel that each time I wait, even if it is for a breath, I am making space for other options, other information, including learning how I really feel at a deeper level once the panic of I-must-do-this-now-or-all-will-be-lost stops.

I hiked today, and it was magical- diamond snow sparkling everywhere, the only footprints on the trail, mine and a rabbit that followed all the way up the hill, squirrels, two deer throughways, and a mouse tunnel....
The sky was the kind of blue that looks crazy, bluer than any sky I have ever seen. And the wind, whistling, pushing, pulling, forcing my face into stillness and my breath into clouds that were pulled away faster than I could see them.

I stood up at the overlook, with the wind and a chickadee, I made a snow angel, and then instead of looking out at the glory of the bare hills, the deep dark green of the pointy pines, the roll of the land, I turned around and looked at the bare scrub of the bushes, the trees in hibernation, the snowballs held in the lee arms of the pines. I let my eyes play with the snow, see the blue of the shadows, because you know what? Even though there is such immense beauty out there, over there, on that far hill, or at that horizon, there is such beauty right here, right here where I am standing. And it felt so good to honor that as well.

20 comments:

Peaches said...

Thanks for the great (and well written) reminder to look at the beauty right at my fingertips...
Glad to hear you found beauty too!

sprogblogger said...

I always want to write something profound on your posts to prove to you how much your writing touches me. And I can't, because they put me into Kate-Space, and I'm not you, even though I want to be your best friend.

Thank you for letting us have a glimpse into your beautiful world.

just me, dawn said...

I love this post....this reminder to appreciate that which is right in front of us. To not forget it while we look towards the horizon. thank you.

K said...

Your writing leaves me thoughtful almost each time I read. This is no exception. Beautifully expressed.

Kate said...

You're such a poet! Like the others, I always love reading what you post. Sounds like a wonderful hike.

Illanare said...

Thank you again for the breath of fresh (and this time also snowy) air you always bring with your posts.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

You totally make me want to go snow-hiking, which is saying a lot given that I'm not so into leaving the house right now.

The IF process is such a weird mix of urgency and forced waiting, with a good dose of willing procrastination for some of us.

Michele said...

You are my hero. I wish that I had your drive to get out and hike and just take nature in. Living vicariously though you...

Pundelina said...

And again sprogblogger said what I wanted to say - but better than me.

I heart you and your tales.

What IF? said...

Yes, me too, what sprog and pundelina said.

The crisp blue sky in winter reminds me of the tall southern African sky at the height of summer. Opposite hemispheres and seasons, but so many similarities... Thank you for taking me along on your hike. I needed to see the world and its beauty through your eyes today! Thank you.

May 2010 bring you everything your heart desires, and more.

IVF 40+ said...

oh lovely post. thank you

karen alonge said...

ahhhhhhhhhh. so beautifully said. thank you.

Jem said...

What Sprog said! Our challenge is to transform "Hurry up and wait" into "No hurry, no wait" - or being in the present, knowing what we are doing right now is right. What we are feeling right now is. How we make our future with our actions today, by living in the now. Ironic, no?

B. said...

Sometimes, I am so distracted by what's under foot and immediately around me that I forget to admire the distant view. Perspective is an amazing thing, isn't it? There's no RIGHT on, just one that's right for the moment. I'm glad you found yours.

Thanks Kate!

m said...

A lovely, lovely post.

Being in the moment - it sounds so easy, but darn is it hard. Good for you for turning theory into practice and celebrating the winter and its beauty as opposed to wishing away its cold (which, ahem, I've been doing all morning.) But I look outside my window and there is a river that is freezing over - huge chunks of whiteness still moving and shifting. Its gorgeous. And its right. There. And I am lucky to be here.

Thanks for this reminder.

maxandzuzu said...

Hi, I'm new to your site. Really beautiful post.

T

IF Optimist, then... said...

When I read these posts, the miracles of perception and thoughtfulness you give to us, I am transported to a different plane. A calm souled place to contemplate a new universe, a new me. It makes me love and admire you so much more than I can express. Thank you.

Hope said...

Oh, wow! What a breathtaking description of the beauty of nature! Wow!

And thank you so much for addressing the issue of urgency and the *need-to-do-something-right-now*. I love the questions you ask yourself. I struggle with this issue on a regular basis, and your post inspires me to find new ways to help myself wait and gain perspective before taking *urgent* action.

(Here from the Creme de la Creme)

Maria said...

Hi, here from Creme de la Creme....and this post certainly belongs there. What a beautiful tribute to The Now. I'm off to find the beauty in this very moment. :-)

Tanya said...

Here from Creme. Great post and wonderfully written. I just went for a walk and was talking and thinking so much I think I missed the whole thing...thanks for reminding me to take it one moment at a time.