Robin, Sprogblogger, Alyssa, B, thank you. (Robin, do you have a website?)
I am thinking of elements of all of those things-- wondering about a fabulously patchworked future. Very much being open to things that feel good, feel like pieces or signposts or little indicators. I imagine I am collecting them like feathers, seaglass, shells, seeds and stones in a small dream-pouch (that may soon need Hermione's magic to hold all that I'm accumulating). I wanted to ask you since you are not me and come from all sorts of life paths and places and experiences that are not mine. So many of the best ideas are ones that other people think of or expose-- so thank you, sincerely. I am open to suggestions!
Yesterday sucked ass, BUT as these things tend to do, I was better for having written things down, better for taking a sweat-making Nia class, better for getting home and shooting lupron into my belly (with the dullest needles ever. I swear to you, these have been filed down to maximize discomfort), better for the long hot shower, the clean clothes, the great smelling dinner, the return of my love from a brief trip, and
Today I am managing by pretending I am someone else. I'll let you know how that goes.
My boss is traveling next week, respite!
I love him which is part of the problem. Big ass overblown loyalty. And I want his approval so badly (ahhh, katekate, family issues much?). Small company = family dynamics and I have been here a long time (12 years) so things are pretty emeshed.
I'll write more about what I do in real life sometime soon, promise.
I peed on a stick last night, you know, just in case, pre lupron and Mestinon. 13dpo. Negative of course, but I have been so tired and my boobs so sore I wondered a little at the off chance (the very very off chance). I will probably pee on another tonight pre injection just to make sure.
My period is due tomorrow or sunday then off to the races I guess--
I am not totally beaten down by this negative since it had so little chance (minute, miniscule) to be anything other than that. But hey, it sure would have been nice to thumb my nose at the big box of follistim in the fridge.
Anyway, very cool sparkly snow and long shadows that wrapped themselves up and over the hilly fields this morning made my drive in so lovely.
Around my house is a snowy wonderland with all trees covered and all horizontal surfaces showing themselves, branches, downed trees, fences.... Not a half mile away, snow is only on the ground, blown free from the branches, and it always a wonder to me how things can be so different so close together weather-wise.
Tomorrow I hope to hike and maybe see my wonderful mom this weekend. Hope to work much more on the writing project. Maybe paint?
There is such power in simple things that remind me of the best parts of me-- but god, it is so easy to get swallowed up in the bullshit and bad feelings. I wish I would allow myself to get that good at feeling good!
Thanks for listening. And for sharing. I appreciate it so much.