I can't whistle: home safe

06 January 2010

home safe

I am home safe and sound as of this evening, just as darkness fell.

My lip is healing and my finger is totally back to normal.

In spite of the hazards large and small (small and furry), we had a good time even though we froze. So good to get away from work, away from house upkeep and panic, from the daily dailyness of the fertility shite.

But, now that I'm back, it all comes back in a rush. I am trying to remember to breathe. Tomorrow afternoon I have the sonohystogram down at Boston- so that is something to look forward to having be over... I did not like my last one one bit, pretty much hate having anything threaded up my cervix, and this time? Since they've not done this with me before, they do not know the territory and have no notes to help them and I am just simply hoping that it will be ok.

I have so much to write about but find words are slow in coming tonight- I can say this: it is good to be home, favorite mug filled with hot water, cat on shins, in my own crazy orange room with white christmas lights sparkling and a very clear sky filled with stars just out side.

New snow and stillness. I really am happy to be here.

Looking forward to catching up with all of you.

7 comments:

IF Optimist, then... said...: Welcome home our lovely Kate. Good to have you back all warm and safe and sound. Good luck on the SGH. I know it sucks, but I also know that you're strong and you'll get through it, even though by the end you want to punch the doctor in the face because OUCH! That shit can hurt.; January 7, 2010 at 3:14 AM
Anonymous said...: Welcome home - glad you made it safely!; January 7, 2010 at 7:45 AM
sprogblogger said...: I'm so glad you're home safely, and hope that the SHG isn't too bad, and can't wait to see you soon!; January 7, 2010 at 8:49 AM
Nic said...: Glad you are home and safe. Good luck with your SGH, hope it goes well and you are not too uncomforatble; January 7, 2010 at 9:36 AM
K said...: Welcome home and good luck on the appointment. You will make it through. Because you are Kate. :); January 7, 2010 at 2:32 PM
Billy said...: Good luck with the sono!; January 7, 2010 at 6:33 PM
niobe said...: Take care and stay warm.; January 8, 2010 at 9:56 AM

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About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.
Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.
I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."

--Abraham