sorry to fall so silent,
I really am in survival mode
all is well, I am feeling fabulously shitty much of the time
still no puking but only a few hours each day that are not consumed by feeling terrible. and those hours are consumed by work.
I have a tiny little reserve, and find myself feeling raw, extra anxious, extra tender... just wanting to sleep most of the time.
It is hard not to equate this somehow with the heavy hell of depression-- it isn't, but the physical part is similar to me except for the queasy/nauseous deal which is all new.
So-- things are good!
so for me, apparently the natural life cycle of this whole process is one of serial consumption:
consumed by trying to conceive
consumed by IVF attempts, failures, details, minutiae, research, prayer
consumed by stunned disbelief at an impossible positive
consumed by fear of miscarriage
and now, consumed by feelings of total shitty icky yuck with a side of monsterfatigue
apparently, the theme of consumption continues.
my life now looks like
wake up, enjoy momentary physical normalcy with a heavy blanket of insane tired
have a few hours of almost normal with fleeting queasy, and increasing fatigue
then, say, 10am, get howling empty light headed must eat
then, say, 12 o'clock start the downhill slide fast into mid afternoon awfulness followed by evening horrible
eat something for dinner (salty chicken broth! potato chips and salsa!)
feel oddly and quickly better!
belly better, head clearer, as fatigue hits like a freight train
queasy returns with lying down
ahhh sweet sleep.....
say, at around 9.
To help me keep my eye on the eventual delicious outcome (shouldallgowell) some great internet news: Sweet B. of No news isn't always good news had her beautiful baby on monday morning! Whoo hoo! Here's to her beautiful baby and the best possible reason for sleep deprivation.