So, you know how I was complaining/commentating on feeling like complete shit? well, the universe arranged a little smackdown recalibration for me.
Last night I was alone- my darlin is traveling. And me? kidney stone.
I knew because I've had one before.
I only knew I probably would not die because I did not die last time.
Today I am tender physically and emotionally.
Taking solace in
" a kidney stone is not a risk to the fetus directly" (thanks pregnancy today)
oddly hoping to be my usual very uncomfortably sick today to reassure me.
9:30 sudden onset feeling of stabbing urethra irritation (methinks, UTI? dang.... in retrospect? if only)
10:00 sudden onset consuming pain in left kidney radiating to my soul, my whole left side of innards and my whole urinary exit path
Pain= so intense I cannot move, frozen chills, tiny shallow breaths, eyes squinched shut, prayer, and the hideous recognition it is a kidney stone
10:30 next bout in the bathroom, fire pee, dramatic GI distress, intense back and innards pain, feeling like I am going to barf.
repeat every half hour with one half hour of writhing in bed in between with hot pack pressed to back and rocking. Each time I get up I put on more clothes. Cannot get warm.
Think about going to ER. Wonder how to get there. Know I cannot drive but do not feel I am bad enough for an ambulance (I am insane). Know they cannot do anything much anyway but pain killers and not sure they can do that since I am pregnant. truth is I did not want to find out the baby was dead while i was alone in the middle of the night at the ER thinking I would die.
cannot reach my darlin, his phone is off. I write a note in case he's online, and leave him a message and then write to a nearby friend (why did I not call?)-- I was not thinking well and was not able to come up with things that made sense.
talk with the baby a LOT until brief interim interaction with internet I describe earlier in the post reassures me a little that this drama would not harm the little one.
finally barf, really barf for the first time in nearly a decade, barf 5 times between 2:30 and 3. As I am half lying with head on toilet seat, notice beautiful moon reflecting off of snow in back yard.
realize I may live. a short lived but important realization.
back in bed (this time with soup kettle), I writhe and breathe and try to relax around the pain, but then sometime not too long after the pain must have eased enough to sleep. since I woke up at 6:24 and realized I was alive and while I was feeling bruised and tender, it was no longer happening.
praise the gods/goddess/all that is.
I have a doc appointment thursday anyway (GP) and will be in touch with them beforehand if I need to (hope I don't but my urethra is still pissed off).
And from now on, when he travels, my darlin will NOT BE TURNING OFF HIS PHONE. This was a scary lesson to both of us.
And today, when I hopefully will feel like complete pregnant shit, I hope I smile a little.
Everything is relative.