27 March 2010

recalibration

So, you know how I was complaining/commentating on feeling like complete shit? well, the universe arranged a little smackdown recalibration for me.
Last night I was alone- my darlin is traveling. And me? kidney stone.

I knew because I've had one before.
I only knew I probably would not die because I did not die last time.

Today I am tender physically and emotionally.
Taking solace in
" a kidney stone is not a risk to the fetus directly" (thanks pregnancy today)

oddly hoping to be my usual very uncomfortably sick today to reassure me.

symptoms:
9:30 sudden onset feeling of stabbing urethra irritation (methinks, UTI? dang.... in retrospect? if only)
10:00 sudden onset consuming pain in left kidney radiating to my soul, my whole left side of innards and my whole urinary exit path
Pain= so intense I cannot move, frozen chills, tiny shallow breaths, eyes squinched shut, prayer, and the hideous recognition it is a kidney stone

10:30 next bout in the bathroom, fire pee, dramatic GI distress, intense back and innards pain, feeling like I am going to barf.
repeat every half hour with one half hour of writhing in bed in between with hot pack pressed to back and rocking. Each time I get up I put on more clothes. Cannot get warm.
Think about going to ER. Wonder how to get there. Know I cannot drive but do not feel I am bad enough for an ambulance (I am insane). Know they cannot do anything much anyway but pain killers and not sure they can do that since I am pregnant. truth is I did not want to find out the baby was dead while i was alone in the middle of the night at the ER thinking I would die.
cannot reach my darlin, his phone is off. I write a note in case he's online, and leave him a message and then write to a nearby friend (why did I not call?)-- I was not thinking well and was not able to come up with things that made sense.

talk with the baby a LOT until brief interim interaction with internet I describe earlier in the post reassures me a little that this drama would not harm the little one.

finally barf, really barf for the first time in nearly a decade, barf 5 times between 2:30 and 3. As I am half lying with head on toilet seat, notice beautiful moon reflecting off of snow in back yard.
realize I may live. a short lived but important realization.

back in bed (this time with soup kettle), I writhe and breathe and try to relax around the pain, but then sometime not too long after the pain must have eased enough to sleep. since I woke up at 6:24 and realized I was alive and while I was feeling bruised and tender, it was no longer happening.

praise the gods/goddess/all that is.
I have a doc appointment thursday anyway (GP) and will be in touch with them beforehand if I need to (hope I don't but my urethra is still pissed off).

And from now on, when he travels, my darlin will NOT BE TURNING OFF HIS PHONE. This was a scary lesson to both of us.
And today, when I hopefully will feel like complete pregnant shit, I hope I smile a little.
Everything is relative.

18 comments:

What IF? said...

This sounds absolutely dreadful. Perhaps seeing a doc before Thursday would be a good idea... Just sayin'. Suffering is *not* okay. Hope you continue to feel better and stronger today and that your darlin will be home soon to give you TLC.

sprogblogger said...

Oh my goodness! Sounds horrible! I know nothing about kidney stones - does the cessation of the agony mean it's over, or will you keep getting blindsided by this sort of horrible pain? Please do see a doctor, I need the reassurance, even if you don't...

Thinking of you, and glad you're feeling so much better today, just horribly sad you felt so wretched yesterday.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Yikes and phew.

Barefoot said...

Oh, no! I hope you're feeling better. What a crappy thing to have happen while you're alone.

Kristin said...

OMG. What in the world. Yes, I guess everything is relative. Glad to hear you're feeling "better" now, though hoping you're one of the lucky ones that doesn't feel your version of "better" longer than the first trimester! (i.e., hoping you have energy and no nausea by at least week 14!)

IF Optimist, then... said...

Oh my gosh sweetie. That is horrible. I made my heart very sad to know you were in pain, afraid and alone. Just giving you a gentle hug and hoping that you are better and never have to deal with this again. I'm also glad to know that kidney stones aren't harmful to the bubs.

Joannah said...

I've had kidney stones before, too. I thought I was going to die. And Michael was out of town. Thank goodness my mom was around to take me to the ER because until they admitted me and I had a scan, I had no idea what was causing that hideous pain. It was awful.

I'm glad you're no longer in the grips of that kind of pain. Drink lots of water, cranberry juice, etc. Just flush those nasty little things out of your system.

((hugs))

Kate said...

I bet labour will be like a breeze to you after that!
Have no fears about taking narcotics in pregnancy, if it's for a time-limited thing like this. Even chronic pain patients and their babies do fine - just have to watch the babies for withdrawal symptoms after birth and taper them off narcotics too.
Glad you're back to icky-pg normal!

alyssa said...

sweet kate, this terrifies me. are you sure it's over? is the boy back home? are you sure you shouldn't go to the hospital? (because if i did this, not going to the hospital during this, you'd kill me). :)

Jennifer said...

Not what you needed! So sorry you had to go through that. I hope it is all behind you / out of you. Feel better, be well. Here's to feeling normal pregnancy yuck and loving it! Lots of love, Jenn

Melissa said...

I have never had kidney stones but have witnessed my wife writhing in agony as she is piling into a bucket as we drive to the emergency room. You are a real warrior for going it alone. I agree that this will help with managing the pains of labor. Glad you are on the mend.

jill said...

Ugh that sounds horrible. Glad you are feeling better now.

strongblonde said...

my goodness!! glad that it's over. so sorry that you had to go through it! some people say that passing a kidney stone is a kin to delivering a baby. hmmmm.....i wouldn't be able to tell you on either count. but you will ;)

xx

tireegal68 said...

That pretty much sounds like a nightmare. Amazing you can remember seeing the moon in the midst of all this.
I don't know if I might not call the doc to check in before waiting till Thursday.
Glad you are feeling a bit better today.
Hang in there!

Tammy said...

Why didn't you call me!? I would have been there in a heartbeat! ALWAYS!

Love you!

B. said...

Yikes! Why do things like that always happen when someone is home alone and their sweetie has turned off the cell? I'm with Tammy- if you need a ride and think it's not worthy of an ambulance, CALL ME! If I can't get away from Ishka (I like calling her that, even though she has a real name now), I can send C, or pump some milk to take along and she'll go with me. So far, it looks like she enjoys her car seat. You're welcome to call just to talk, too, if you want to. I may not answer when the phone rings, but I'll call you back... promise.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better now, though. I've never had kidney stones, but UTIs and kidney infections have popped up in my past, so I have a tiny inkling of how painful that can be (stones are a bajillion times worse, and an infection is pure hell, so I can extrapolate).

Take care of yourself, dear Kate. We're all cheering you and your little one on.

thehuntformyfertility said...

oh man...so glad you made it through the miserable night! sounds awful. awful.awful.

meinsideout said...

Sounds wretched...everything is scary during pregnancy...I am so over the moon happy for you. Really. Truly.