13 March 2010

in need of reassurance

rain and sleet and snow and howling wind
today brought a million reasons to stay in and stay put
I slept late, and that was a fine thing even though my dreams were wracked with collisions and catastrophes.

I am trying not to freak out that today has been largely nausea free, just whispers where the past days have been filled with very loud HELLO! I'M YOUR SALIVARY GLANDs! I"M YOUR SEIZING/CLENCHING BELLY!
just trying not to panic that all I am is tired. Food still holds no interest, but I finally ate anyway.
Odd how salty chicken broth feels like magic. Not the smell, but the taste.

I know symptoms come and go, I posted a link here myself way back when.... I know, I know but knowing does not stop the panic. OK so internet, feel free to say calming reassuring things about nausea coming and going... not fond of feeling like shit, but scared that it let up today.

I have The Bloat, Doug even laughed last night as I stripped down since The Belly was so obviously protuberant.

so tomorrow we head to Brookline to a hotel that will either be great or sucky, a good story either way-- and monday morning, get this, our ultrasound is at 9:30 then the appointment with the NP is at 11. um. what? so we will wander for an hour with big good news firing us up or sad news pulling my heart down into my belly like a stone. Or worse, will they not show and tell us anything? I thought the NP would be at the US and then we'd just talk after about what next...

Once again, needing to give up the need to know ahead of time, and just go with it. But oh, how I suck at that.


Kate said...

It would be nice if they'd tell you something about what to expect from the big scan ahead of time. Mine was awful: U/S tech didn't say anything, didn't show me the screen, didn't let DH in to be with me. I knew she was taking some measurements from the clicking and rollerballing, but wasn't sure if that was good measurements or bad measurements. No sound was turned on, so I couldn't hear the doppler getting the FHR. And then she sent me out to wait with DH and there wasn't anything to be seen on the screen, where sometimes during follicle scans I'd see the last image.
So we waited, both having thought we'd already know if it was good news or bad news, or doubly good news. And then the doc was running late, and we knew someone was still ahead of us even though we'd been waiting 20-25min. Thankfully, she came out and asked the other couple to head on back to her office, and then popped over to just say that it was all right, one healthy baby was in there. And she'd be ready for us shortly to tell us the plan from there. I can still feel the relief today!
I know plenty of people who had symptoms come and go and went on to have healthy pregnancies. I never really had the N/V, so I didn't have that reassurance. All I could hang my hat on was my lack of bleeding and my tiredness.
I'll be thinking of you lots and awaiting excellent news from Monday's scan and appointment. You so deserve this, and with the way things fell into place so far, and the fantastic betas you've had, I'm absolutely hopeful that it will all be good.

Nic said...

I cant believe your ultrasound is on Monday! Not long! I really hope that all goes well.
Will be thinking of you
Good luck!
Take care

sprogblogger said...

Nausea comes & goes. Let me repeat that: Nausea comes and goes. NAUSEA COMES AND GOES. Even during the worst of mine, there would be entire days where I wasn't having a problem at all.

And eat the chicken soup while you can - because I'll bet that nausea is coming back tomorrow...

Thinking of you tomorrow, your last day of a VERY long wait for this u/s , and will be stalking you til you have a chance to post on Monday.

IVF 40+ said...

my nausea came and went till just recently. Feeling crap then fine, then tired then not - totally does your head in!
Good luck tomorrow, Kate.

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

Let me second what sprogblogger said, nausea comes and goes! Even the tiredness comes and goes, though not to the same degree. I have posted, basically, this exact same post myself, worrying, worrying that I don't feel more like crap than I do.

For me round your 7 weeks, it did come back in the 8th week, but around 10 weeks it was gone for good with me and it scared the bejeesus out of me. If it makes you feel better, you can read my very similar worries here: http://peanutnoodle.blogspot.com/2010/02/nervous.html.

As for your Brookline visit, I've only been to that location once, myself, but the NP is super nice. Very thorough, knowledgable and reassuring. Except for my own beloved Dr. B, she was my favorite BIVF "in charge" type person. And they will tell you during the u/s what they're seeing, so don't fret about that hour+ wait in between.

If you want to grab a quick bite to eat during that hour or after, there's a whole bunch of cute restaurants on Harvard Street, if you turn right as you leave the building and kind of weave across the green line T track (at the legal crossing, of course ;). There's a cute Russian place called Cafe Stoli, a yummy BBQ called Village Smokehouse and a tasty, though unassuming, Vietnamese whose name I can't recall.

Anyway, I'm sure you will do great and Monday's u/s will be another happy one :). Best wishes!

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Nausea absolutely comes and goes.

"I am so excited to read your happy post on Monday," she said, brimming with optimism.

Anonymous said...

Gah - I hear you - I had myself so freaked out so many times - feel free to read my July posts - and August - full of thoughts that my symptoms disappeared and I was done...not surprising considering what we have been through.

Looking forward to your u/s on Monday!

takingbabysteps said...

You sound exactly like me. I am 7weeks, 5 days, struggling with IF for 2 years and terrified about losing this baby. For the last few days, I have been extremely nauseous and even throwing up - and yesterday and today, all of a sudden, NOTHING. No nausea or m/s. I have been freaking out but I had an ultrasound yesterday and they heard the heartbeat. I am trying to hang on to that. I am hoping you get wonderful news on Monday - remember, the odds are in your favor.

t said...

oh man, i remember the waves. they made me crazy. sick for three days continuous, then feeling completely normal for a week or more and then we're back to the crap. it's hard not to feel stressed and worried about the days when you feel good. and i'm sure nothing anyone can say will really take that anxiety away completely but know beyond everything that this is completely normal and just another road to tread down. there will be more bumps and humps and topsy turvy corners... but so it goes. and goes and goes. big hugs and kisses to you. big bloaty bump and all!

B. said...

ALL the symptoms come and go. Every single one of them! While I am too large now to feel like my pre-pregnant self, up until just a couple of months ago, I had frequent instances of feeling completely not pregnant. And the fact that I'd essentially inflate all day long, then deflate overnight, made symptom-free mornings especially troublesome. Anywho... symptoms can be reassuring, but even if you had them you'd be eagerly anticipating Monday's u/s. I hope the time between now and Monday AM flies by, and your hotel turns out to be even better than great. I'll be on pins and needles waiting for your update (maybe that's why Ishka isn't here yet- there's no wifi in my hospital, and I NEED to know how you're doing). Hang in there!! And try not to let your worry worry you. Worry is OK.

babyinterrupted said...

I wasn't as nauseous today either (for which I was simultaneously grateful, as I was at a retreat with high schoolers all day, and then terrified). So, I am also taking comfort from your kind commenters.

One day at a time. Breathe. Advice for both of us, I suppose. I'll be sending you lots of good thoughts and prayers for Monday.

K said...

Just here to chime in that nausea comes and go as do sore boobs, tiredness, etc. I know there were days during this pregnancy I felt absolutely perfect in the first trimester and ofcourse I panicked as all get out. But it really does come and go, all of it. *hugs* hang in there. One day at a time!

What IF? said...

Echoing: nausea comes in waves. I remember fretting out loud about the sudden lack of nausea at the first prenatal u/s and the NP laughed and said, "Enjoy it, because we see a lot of nausea from the 7/8th week onwards." She was right. So relish the chicken soup.

Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

Rebecca said...

This may sound odd, but sometimes my nausea/MS would actually disappear if I forced myself to eat something. And absolutely nothing sounded appetizing. And, you know, it would also disappear for no reason whatsoever. Very frustrating. But my tic tac stayed put. Hoping for some celebration tomorrow! Will be stalking your blog. :)

Pundelina said...

As always, sweet sweet Kate, I am thinking super-dooper positive thoughts for you. Surely all will be well and you will get to see two little hearts beating tomorrow.


Elizabeth said...

Dear Kate -- I had basically no symptoms (or was too distracted to notice them, or whatever) for the first oh, 10 weeks or so I guess. Not that it helps...because the worry would be there either way. I know it was with me. You've earned your worry the hard way -- I hope and hope that Monday's scan shows that all is well and I better get cracking on two new baby hats ASAP. With love,

IF Optimist, then... said...

I know about the nausea disappearing and your post and reassurances and love helped me, but damnitall...it IS scary. Hoping that tomorrow is a fabulous day, full of good news and overwhelming relief and tears of joy. I'll be thinking of you and sending a heart bursting amount of love on the night air due east.

What IF? said...

Just popping in again to let you know you're in my thoughts this morning as 9:30 and 11 am inch closer. Wishing you calm, happy, positive thoughts as you meet your little bean.