04 August 2009

17dpo and, um methinks CD1

So I think the purgatory has ended- undeniable red blood today.

last night I told my darlin' that since this late period stuff is so unusual for me, it was giving me renewed hope, real hope, and that if this turned out to be negative that I was afraid I would face a farther drop than usual- but you know what? it is more a feeling of resignation, sort of an "of course" feeling. With some swear words, you know, because I am kate. Sad, yes, disappointed, hell yes (imagine that in big font). But not surprised. And since I pulled this particular miracle out of the air once, I hoped to again-- and I think that makes it harder too, as I mentioned before....and now, I move on.

So---- I'll call the clinic this morning. But I imagine I'll do baseline stuff tomorrow or thursday. And hope that the coast is clear to use this cycle with meds again.

Kate-- about the progesterone, when they do injectables for sure (no idea about clomid) they support with progesterone because your own body is so fucked up by then, and since in IVF cases eggs are not truly ovulated out of their follicles,but sucked out, it is not clear if the usual corpus luteum progesterone engines will work the way they are "supposed" to to provide the progesterone needed for early pregnancy prep and support. So most clinics give suppositories or gel or pills or shots. I think that no one wants to Not do it and be wrong, and since it does not hurt, why not? I know different studies show different things, but I think that since all clinics I know of do this, everyone is erring on the safe side. So no, I was not tested to be low, it is the protocol (injectables) that made me use them. When I was on clomid (same clinic), no progesterone during the luteal phase. But of course, I did not get pregnant. If I had, I have no idea if they would have added it to the mix after a positive.

To all of you: thank you. thank you thank you for holding out hope for this one for me. Your support, as always, humbles me, and makes my heart bigger.
Let's try again, shall we?

19 comments:

Mo and Will said...

Oh Kate. I was really hoping. I am so sorry. It is so hard to keep getting knocked down only to get back up and sign up for more. Thinking of you. Wishing you peace.

Mo

Megan said...

I think that trying again is the best thing you can do. Keep moving forward and don't look back!

Michele said...

Damn... I was hoping for a diffrent outcome. I'm sorry, Kate. It just isnt fair.

I'm sending you a big hug from PA, and wishes for the next cycle.

just me, dawn said...

sending you a big hug. and good wishes for this next cycle!

Sprogblogger said...

Oh Kate, I'm so very sorry. It seemed like this one might really be another miracle. Let's definitely hope for this next cycle. Fingers crossed that everything looks good & ready to start up again right away. You're in my thoughts, sweetie.

Barefoot said...

Shoot, shoot, shoot. Another big hug coming your way (this one from CA). I hope everything looks good for your next cycle.

IVF 40+ said...

I have made up a new award, right now, after reading your words. It's the firefly award - for those that have not given up hope and help the rest of us see in the dark.

Its for you.

IF Optimist, then... said...

:-( I'm sorry this month wasn't the happy ending. Sending much hope that your baseline looks good and you can get right into a cycle. Please accept a big hug from me and give it to your sweetie, then have him give it back to you.

Searching for Serenity said...

Damn.

Right here cheering you along.

*hugs*

meinsideout said...

Thinking of you.

Joannah said...

I'm so sorry! Infertility is a cruel master.

:-(

littlebitofsomething said...

damn it. i'm so sorry kate. i'm giving you a big fat squeeze from miles away. i wish it could be in person.

Kate said...

Ugh. I'm so sorry. You've been in my thoughts. I'm glad you're handling it better than you thought, you're very strong.

Thank you for your detailed explanation. I appreciate it so much since I know you have enough to think about as is.

*hugs*

Peaches said...

I am so sorry, I really was holding out hope for you...
I hear your large font and respond it kind!
Cheering you on 110% for the next round!

invitroveritas said...

Just back from holidays. So sorry to hear. Can only say - oh crappity crap. And get all revved up to start the hoping part again.

Nic said...

Oh shit. I am so sorry kate. What a horrible, evil way for it to be drawn out and with a shitty result at the end. I had really hoped this was it. As you said, lets try again. You have made this work once, you will make it work again. Hang in there and be strong.

Kate said...

I am sorry, dear. I hate it when our bodies trick us into having this renewed sense of hope. It makes it so much farther to fall. I am sorry.

B. said...

I'm so sorry Kate. I wanted this to be the ONE. You really are welcome to my extra Gonal-F if you want it. Please let me know, so that if that's not in your protocol I can keep looking for a good home for it. I think it's a lucky batch.

Elizabeth said...

Yuck. I hope the next cycle gets itself organized quickly and goes forward without a hitch. Thinking of you and hoping you have a great and relxaing and reviving and reconnecting visit with your sister and family --starting tomorrow! Love to you,
Elizabeth